


clock is ticking, times are changing

by ClockWorkQueso



Series: time is short; love, everlasting (a soulmate timer au) [1]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Anyways, CCG!Hide, Canon-Typical Violence, I don't even breathe in canon's direction, Maybe a little OOC, Multi, Soulmate AU, With some minor changes, canon-typical angst, he and Kaneki didn't grow up together, maybe a little bit crackish, other than that, slowish updates?, that's a lie i do so much research, the timeline is essentially the same, this is a rewrite of Tick Tock, we'll see
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2019-11-26 09:01:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18178589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClockWorkQueso/pseuds/ClockWorkQueso
Summary: Everyone is born with six digits imprinted onto the inside of their left wrist, displaying a time of 24 hours. When a pair is fated to meet, the timer counts down to the moment that they lock eyes, zeroing out. And when the pair cements their bond with a kiss, the date of their anniversary replaces the six zeores, deepening their connection and tying their souls together from then on.It's all textbook, Hide knows, and he can't wait to meet his other half, the romantic that he is. He's an up-and-coming Investigator in the 20th Ward, and his life is pretty much ideal, save for the lack of an aforementioned soulmate. As Hide will discover, though, the world doesn't always play by the rules, and things aren't always as they seem.It’s hard to see in the darkness, but Hide scans up the dark leather body suit with mounting fear until he reaches the gruesome mask of teeth, open to reveal a frown. He finally musters up the courage to look his attacker, this ghoul, in the eye, just as the persistent twinge in his wrist suddenly stops. The whole world suddenly stops. Nothing exists beyond the two of them, and Hide, inexplicably, unreasonably, is no longer afraid.





	1. A Time Bomb

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the official rewrite of Tick Tock, which can be read here https://archiveofourown.org/series/392557 for a bit until I take it down for good so that this can stand alone. Thank you for your support, readers old and new! I hope you enjoy, and I hope the wait was worth it. <3

            Hide has always loved ghouls.

            Well, better said, he’s always loved to study them, as a sort of weird hobby. Despite his hyperactivity, he’s always been the curious, observant type. Hungry for knowledge. Especially when the subject is social taboo. Most people in Tokyo develop a healthy fear of ghouls as soon as they’re able to comprehend their monstrosity. Hide, though—he knew that there had to be more behind the masks. Throughout his childhood, others tended to avoid him due to this morbid fascination, overshadowing his bright personality and kind demeanor. He grew up kind of lonely, but never felt alone in the company of a good book.

            After middle school, his parents realized that no, he probably _wasn’t_ going to grow out of this, and enrolled him in the Junior Academy, much to his excitement. The school didn’t teach him anything he didn’t already know, though, not really, and he felt out of place in the sea of people that found the ghouls they studied repulsive and vile. Not that they had a reason to think otherwise, given what the school was geared towards. The only good thing to come out of the Junior Academy was meeting Akira Mado.  Hide recognized her name from the news, and figured that if he followed her lead, they’d both end up in high places. From her, he learned firsthand of the terrible personal effects of ghoul predation, the likes of which aren’t really captured in textbooks. They quickly became friends, united in their fixation. Another classmate, Seido Takizawa, thought Hide’s easy acceptance of second place was reprehensible, and vowed to surpass them both. In other words, they were definitely friends.  

            The three of them moved on to train at the Academy, and Hide finally learned all that the CCG has to offer about his longtime obsession, although hearing about them in such a clinical and detached way felt almost jarring, so different from the nitty gritty news reports and the enthralling novellas. It was also very intense, both physically, and mentally, and he isn’t really allowed to talk about it much more than that. He _is_ allowed to say, however, that he became a _damn_ good Investigator, and graduated salutatorian to Akira’s valedictorian. Seido was predictably upset, but the day after graduation he and Akira were holding hands and smiling, so he assumed they kissed and made up. Unfortunately, after that they got split up, with Akira stationed at Headquarters while Hide and Seido, along with Mado-san, her father, left for the 20th Ward. She excelled, much like Hide knew she would. Seido and Hide, on the other hand… they didn’t do much personally in the hunt for the Binge-Eater, Jason, and Rabbit—stuck with much of the deskwork like Bureau employees—but Hide wishes they had.

            He was the first one to hug Akira at the funeral.

            After that, she went off the radar for a while, before popping into the 20th Ward’s branch offices, proclaiming Hide himself as her new partner. Both he and Seido were really over the moon to have her back, but her father’s death, and something else, made her colder and withdrawn. That is, more so than usual. Still, it was nice to have her back, and they _did_ make a killer team. Most called him a natural talent when it came to investigation, and Akira was more then capable herself, especially when it came to extermination. They were, and are, the exemplary team of the 20th Ward.

            Hide likes being a part of the CCG, he knows that he’s helping people and putting his natural curiosity and penchant for studying ghoul behavior to good use, but some aspects of his job just don’t sit right with him.

            Everything begins to make sense during the worst twenty-four hours of Hide’s life.

oOo

            Hide scratches absently at his wrist as he prepares for bed, making sure that his work uniform is hung up nice and tidy for tomorrow morning, before slipping into his comfortable pajamas.  He climbs into bed, the soft sheets like butter, and banishes all thoughts of ghouls and the hellish underbelly of Tokyo for the night. He reaches over to his left to turn off the bedside lamp. An unusual flicker of movement distracts him, though, and his eyes are drawn to his wrist. The skin is obviously prickling now, around the inky black numbers tattooed there. Only, the digits, usually a resolute **24:00:00** , are ticking away the seconds. He stares in disbelief for a few seconds, a feeling of overwhelming fear and delight coursing through him.  Hide would meet his soulmate in less than twenty-four hours. Despite being textbook, he honestly can’t believe it.

            Six numbers are imprinted on every person's left wrist, representing hours, minutes, and seconds. The tattooed numbers grow with a person, set at the default 24:00:00, until the day that they are fated to meet their soulmate. Exactly 24 hours before they meet each other’s eyes for the first time, the numbers begin counting down, like clockwork. Even before that, though, the two are instinctively synchronized, and end up developing a couple of similar interests to stimulate their bond. Hide’s interested enough in the science of it all, but doesn’t dwell on it too much, liking to think that it’s more to do with destiny than chemicals. At 23, he is an incredibly late bloomer, with most soulmates meeting as children or teenagers in school. In his younger years, he didn’t have many interests outside of reading and ghouls, which naturally alienated him from others. After he joined the Junior Academy, it was easier to find himself, of course, but he still battled the fear that he might be one of the unlucky ones. The system isn’t perfect, and some people don’t get happy endings, but Hide’s always been a romantic. He watches the time pass for a few moments more, before deciding that the faster he goes to sleep, the sooner he will meet his soulmate. As he drifts off, his heart flutters with the thought that somewhere, someone is watching the exact same numbers tick away the seconds.

oOo

            Hide is incredibly overwhelmed at work the next day by well-wishes and advice, even by people who haven’t so much as spoken to him in the years he’s been stationed at the 20th Ward Branch. He’d finished his morning routine in a haze, arriving at work earlier than usual, eager to power through it and meet his soulmate that evening ( _that evening!)_. His fellow employees caught on too fast, not that he’s ever been one to keep a secret, and Akira noted very dryly that he looked like a lovesick puppy already. She has some sort of grudge against the whole soulmate business, for reasons unknown even to him, her best friend. Unlike Hide, who wears his heart on his sleeve, she’s much more restrained with her feelings, but he knows that she’s happy for him. Seido, on the other hand, is unabashedly over the moon about the whole thing. He spends nearly the entirety of their uneventful shift—looking over case notes and drawing up reports for the Bureau—badgering Hide about what he hopes she’s like.

            “I don’t really have any expectations,” Hide says, grinning dopily at his computer screen. From her adjacent cubicle, he can practically feel Akira roll her eyes. “I think part of the fun is getting to know your soulmate, whoever they are—knowing them better than anyone else. I’m sure I’ll love them no matter what.”

            Akira is definitely rolling her eyes now, but Hide is giddy as the word _love_ leaves his mouth. Is he jumping the gun? Maybe so. Seido eats it up though, slapping Hide on the shoulder. “You are so _cute_ , Hide.”

            Hide just rubs his wrist over the fabric of his sleeve, then shoos Seido away halfheartedly. “Get back to work, Takizawa.”  

            Precisely five minutes before the end of his and the Mado-squad’s shifts—and less than an hour before he would meet the love of his life, according to his steady counter—their team gets a call. Hide has hardly done any work, too distracted by the ticking of the analog clock on the wall opposite his cubicle. Being ghoul investigators, they naturally work late, and getting a call after dark is never a good sign.

            Akira answers the phone with a cool, professional “hello”, then leans forward on her desk, face screwing up in concentration. Hide eyes her warily, pausing in the middle of turning his computer off and tidying up his files. She waves him over, along with Seido and Houji, and then begins jotting down notes on a scrap piece of paper lying on her desk. Even after years with the CCG, Hide’s heart still drops.

            Akira hangs up, thanking the caller for their time, and turns to Hide, eyes like steel. She picks up her note pad and reads, “A mutilated body was found in a subway tunnel entrance. The witness contacted the police, and then the CCG hotline just in case. Suspect may be a ghoul and may still be in the area. The Mado Squad is to be deployed for investigation and possible extermination.”

            Hide sighs and adjusts his tie, nervously straightening his cuffs. The skin of his wrist tingles faintly, and he can’t help but grimace. Akira notices, but before she can dismiss him, force him to go home, Hide beats her to it. “I’m coming with you. Maybe this won’t take any more than fifteen minutes.”

            She nods. “Alright. I assume we can handle this fairly quickly. I’ll see to it that we’re paid overtime. Seido, put out a warning for the area that the body was found in, with a three-mile radius I’d say. Probably just a loner passing through, we can take it out, if it’s still in this Ward.”

            Seido rushes back over to his computer, frantically aborting the shutdown sequence, as Hide and Houji follow Akira to the company garage. They grab keys along the way, Hide ignoring the slowly mounting tension in his body.   

oOo

            The Mado Squad is first on the scene, beating out the police and ambulance, though by the looks of the mangled body the victim won’t be needing the latter. They park on the street as close to the subway tunnel as possible, right up against the curb, and the gore is in clear view out of Hide’s passenger-side window. No matter how long he’s been in the field, it never gets easier. Hide manages to quell his reaction for the sake of professionalism, but Seido pulls a face as the four of them slip out of the car, briefcases in their grasps. “Wow, that guy’s more bone than anything.”

            “Seido, be respectful,” Akira admonishes, and crouches by the victim. It’s practically unidentifiable, and Akira merely hovers her hand over the mess. Hide walks around in a tight circle, eyes scanning the darkness for any sign of the perpetrator. He’s close enough to hear Akira sigh deeply. “It’s still warm. The ghoul must be nearby—keep alert, please.”

            He tosses Akira a forlorn wallet lying in a pool of blood nearby, wincing at the tacky blood on his fingers. He wipes it on his sleeve without thinking, slowing to brush the faint tingling over his pulse—not the time. “There’s ID in there. Cash, too- definitely not a robbery gone wrong, if that was even on the table.”

            Akira flips it open, and stands, moving under a streetlight to see better. “Right. Let’s spread out.”

            They branch off, fanning out from the body, tense and quiet. This area of town is pretty decrepit, lots of alleyways and broken streetlamps. Hide has to wonder what the vic was doing so far out from the hustle and bustle, but he supposes it hardly matters now. The crime scene is blockaded in by vacant buildings, all with boarded up doors and windows. Unfortunately, that means too many places for a ghoul to hide. Hide’s listening hard for any disturbance, squinting in the darkness for any clues, as he tiptoes farther from the rest of his squad, towards a foreboding looking alley. He knows that ghouls can be dreadfully stealthy. If they’re hungry enough, though, they won’t leave prey like this unattended for long. If _he_ were the ghoul, he would’ve booked it through the subway tunnels and left the ward entirely. But, his instincts tell him it’s just as likely that the ghoul is lurking somewhere just around a corner, waiting to make its move—

            Hide jumps ever so slightly as a police car swerves onto their street, screeching to a halt behind their vehicle, casting the area in a red glow. He shakes his head, trying to calm his nerves. He’s definitely more on edge tonight, likely due to the fact that his counter is still dutifully ticking away despite the terrible turn his night has taken. The red doesn’t help much in terms of visibility—in fact, it makes every shadow seem that much more sinister—and as Hide peers further into the dingy alleyway, the hair on the back of his neck stands up. He catches slight movement between the pulses of red. His thumb jolts to unlatch his briefcase, pulse hammering, but stops short as he hears Seido shout, accompanied by sharp gunfire.

            Adrenaline thrums in his veins as he spins to see the man struggling with one of two ghouls near a dumpster where they must have been hiding instead. Two policemen stagger away—when will they learn that regular bullets just make the ghouls angry?—as Hide, along with Akira and Houji, double back to help Seido subdue the two predators. Akira, the closest of the three of them, whips out her brutal, spine-like quinque and knocks one of the ghouls away from Seido. It crumples onto the sidewalk, and Hide rushes in to get the jump on it before it can recover. His quinque snaps into a lethal bikaku dagger that he drives into the incapacitated ghoul’s shoulder. He hears, faintly, Houji and Seido battling the other ghoul, over the ringing in his ears as the ghoul slams their foreheads together and snarls at him with revulsion. Bristling, Hide deftly rolls away just as Akira’s heavy quinque smashes its head into the pavement.

            He shakes his head, both to dispel the concussion and the viscera spattered on his face from Akira absolutely annihilating the thing’s skull. “Oh, sorry,” she says, very much not sorry about it. Hide just chuckles, makes to grin at her, but catches more movement in the dark just behind Akira’s line of sight as she draws back her quinque.  

            "Akira! Two on your left!" Hide calls, and his partner instantly darts towards him, away from the reaching kagune of the ghouls attempting to snatch her up. Rinkaku. He unfurls his longer, whip-like quinque that’s lighter and faster than Akira’s Fueguchi, quickly lashing out to keep the ghouls from rushing them. One veers off, but he catches the ankle of the other, pulling his quinque taut to trip it. He subtly sidesteps, dragging the ghoul with him, and Akira adjusts perfectly to intercept the ghoul coming in from the right, shielding itself with its kagune. Its kagune shatter from the force of Akira’s swing, and it howls as Hide drives the two ghouls into each other. Akira makes quick work of the pair, cut down effortlessly and efficiently. He and Akira take a breather, surrounded by the carnage.

             "How are you doing?" she asks, nodding to Hide's left hand. He looks around furtively, and then rolls up his bloodstained sleeve. His racing heart freezes as he sees mere minutes on his timer. She blinks, and glances at the two policemen cowering by their vehicle. “Do you think—”

            “Let’s just not worry about it,” Hide says, definitely worrying about it—there is no one really around, but he’d hate for a civilian, especially his soulmate, to wander into an active investigation. Especially one way more intense than they’d suspected. “That was a lot of ghouls for one body…”

            “Too many,” Akira agrees, and finally steps away from Hide to check for Seido and Houji. Houji is leaning against the dumpster, obviously injured, as Seido shakes a disembodied head from his quique. Pleasant. It thumps on the asphalt and they jog over, Hide noting with a turn of his stomach just how many ghouls had crawled out of the woodwork in the space of an hour. It’s unusual to say the least. One of the nearby policemen retch. An ambulance pulls to a stop some ways away, but no paramedics leave the vehicle.  

            “Akira, Hide,” Houji grits out, Seido stepping over a body to hoist him up, “an ukaku escaped down that alley, we couldn’t catch it. It’s probably long gone by now, but-“

            “I’ve got it,” Hide affirms, letting his quinque shift into its dagger form. The quicker he gets this over with, the sooner he meets his soulmate. “Just get Houji some medical attention.”

            “Alright. Radio in whether you find something or not. I’m going to go talk to the police to issue a statement,” Akira instructs, and Hide nods, adjusting the communication device in his ear. It got knocked a little loose in the scuffle.   

            The red lighting still makes the alleyway seem creepier than your average grimy alleyway, but the weird figure he saw (or maybe, like, hallucinated) is no longer there. There’s a few overturned boxes, obvious signs of a scuffle. He finds a crumpled body in the back corner, prone and lifeless. It’s a ghoul, probably got into some territorial fight with those others, and Hide surmises that there’s no reason to think that anything is still hanging around. Something red does catch his eye, though, and he kneels to get a better look. It’s like a shard of red glass, almost glowing in the darkness, and he slices his finger on it trying to touch it, like a papercut. It’s kagune, but still almost living, recent. Something thwips just past his cheek. “Ah.”   

            Hide brings his hand up to radio for Akira, other hand gripping his briefcase, when he feels a stabbing pain in his shoulder. With a snap, his quinque flares out of his briefcase, and he swings the long appendage around to block the ghoul behind him from making another attack. It’s the ukaku, and it’s bulletlike spines flicker in the darkness. He feels confident, what with the small army they just took down earlier, until he registers the rabbit mask staring back at him. Hide stands stock-still for just a fraction of a second, glaring at the soulless expression on the ghoul's mask. She tenses, just slightly, but it's enough of a warning that Hide can react in time to keep from being impaled further. He dives forward, brandishing his quinque, trying to close the distance between them and prevent the ghoul from using her impressive range of attack against him. He knows he can’t take Rabbit alone, but if he can radio his squad, he just needs to stay alive—

            The ghoul spins, sending a barrage of spines his way. They just barely graze his skin, but it stings like hell, and the one still making its home in his shoulder is proving to be really fucking inconvenient. Hide has to abort his assault to duck and roll, back further into the darkness of the alley. He’s being cornered, and worn down, toyed with, he knows it, but all he needs is a second to press the comm button. He quickly switches his quinque to its smaller dagger form, spinning to face his opponent, but… it’s gone. The only trace of Rabbit is sticking up out of the pavement, red and pulsing. Hide feels himself start to tremble, and he catches his breath. God, what was Rabbit doing at some smalltime crime scene? The last time the ghoul had been spotted, an incredible Investigator had died. God, he almost  _died_. This is why Investigators use the damn buddy system. 

            His in-ear communicator crackles, and he hears Akira say, “All clear over here. We’re going to head back soon.” Hide has a split second to decide whether to mention Rabbit to his partner knowing that she would probably lose her head.

            “Definitely an ukaku ghoul, escaped. Can’t pursue. Otherwise, all clear,” he mumbles into the air, pressing and releasing the small button with shaking fingers. Not a lie, just... not the whole truth. He'd spare Akira all the gory details for now. 

            “Roger. Cleanup will be here in 5.”

            Hide leans up against the cool brick wall when a twinge of pain shoots down his arm. Ah, right. He reaches back and pulls the red spine out of his shoulder blade, slick with blood. He’s dealt with worse, but he tries to keep the right side of his body still to avoid aggravating the wound til the paramedics can bandage him up. He's got some shallow scratches too, but those are less of a bother. With a sigh, he tosses the spine into the darkness and fusses with the bloodstains on his pristine white shirtsleeve, rolling them up. At least he left his suit jacket in—

            His mouth dries up like the desert when he sees that he has less than five minutes remaining on his timer. Time freezes, and he goes lightheaded, from more than just his injuries, until a body slams into his side in a sort of messy tackle, sending them both to the dirty concrete. Instinctually, Hide uses the momentum to throw his attacker off, rolling further into the dark. He can hardly see, and his pulse thrums in his ears, matching, he’s sure, the ticking seconds on his wrist. Luckily, he still has hold of his quinque. Guess that body in the corner wasn’t as dead as he thought.  

            “You killed them!” A voice shrieks at him, making him jump. It comes from ahead of him, and he makes out two red irises as a ghoul limps towards him from where it was thrown, still mostly hidden by the darkness. Hide blinks, shrugging off the ache of his earlier fall and twinging shoulder, and readies his weapon. Adrenaline makes it easy to focus on staying alive. 

            The terrible, taut hurt in the ghoul's voice gives him pause, though, and his curiosity gets the better of him, as always. “Who?”

            “We were just supposed to be passing through…” it wails, oblivious to his question in its distress. And Hide, stupidly, waits long enough for it to strike, taken aback by how awfully _human_ it sounds. Ungracefully, and with a noise that’s a cross between a shout and a gasp, Hide shoves the ghoul back, bringing the knife up to slash at his chest. In his momentary lapse, the ghoul had managed to compose himself—itself—enough to intercept the strike, knocking the dagger out of Hide’s fingers deftly. The tingling sensation on his left wrist goes woefully unnoticed as he wrestles with the bloodthirsty ghoul, all trace of sympathy gone. The pair drift further down the alley, nearly up to the wooden slats of the backing fence, plunging deeper into darkness. Hide operates by instinct alone, hoping to get one hand free enough to call for backup. His opponent is weak from its earlier tussle with Rabbit, he assumes, but not enough to make it a fair fight between the two.

            Without warning, the ghoul is wrenched from Hide’s hands, and he watches with mouth agape as it is slammed against the opposing wall by another attacker. Like lightening, he presses his communication button, and holds it, intending to rattle off a quick S.O.S. There’s no crackle of static at all, god, it must be fucking busted, and Hide scrambles to his feet as he realizes he’s totally on his own. He has to find his quinque. By now, his eyes have adjusted enough to make out the new figure, whose white hair nearly glows in the low light.

            Oh god, oh _fuck_.

            He doesn’t even breathe as Eyepatch crushes the other sobbing ghoul into the bricks with a single sinuous kagune. He unzips the snarling teeth of his mask. Hide expects a growling threat, or perhaps even for the ghoul to tear the other's throat out in front of him, but the voice that comes from the fearsome ghoul is startlingly soft and convicting. “I think my associate made it perfectly clear you were to _not_ engage the CCG further.”

            The ghoul can do nothing but choke and flail as Eyepatch literally squeezes the life out of him, kagune like a terrible boa constrictor. Hide, snapping out of his trance, as quietly as possible, begins to root around in the low light for a weapon, any weapon. Or should he run? Could he run? Amon always says Investigators, even the best of the best, tend to die young. Maybe there is nothing he can do, he thinks, his blood ice in his veins. His panic only doubles as his hands meet nothing but pavement.

            “And _you_ —” Before Hide can even blink, one of the ghoul’s four tentacles wraps around his ankle, hosting him up into the air. “You aren’t going anywhere.”

            Eyepatch releases the body of the now silent, but panting ghoul, body falling in a heap, turning to face Hide as he tries and fails to catch his own breath. It’s hard to see in the darkness, but Hide scans up the dark leather body suit with mounting fear until he reaches the gruesome mask of teeth, open to reveal a frown. No. All investigators know the dangers of the job—he won’t die a coward. He finally musters up the courage to look his attacker, this ghoul, in the eye, just as the persistent twinge in his wrist suddenly stops. The whole world suddenly stops. Nothing exists beyond the two of them, and Hide, inexplicably, unreasonably, is no longer afraid. The single eye visible from behind the leather mask widens, almost comically,  and Hide can barely make out a tiny gasp, too quiet and fragile to belong to such a feared and dangerous ghoul. The adrenaline is numbing his pain, and the blood rushing to his head certainly isn’t helping his clarity, but nothing can soothe the aching, swirling, confused pounding of his head and heart.

            Eyepatch tears his searching, frantic eye away from Hide’s face, briefly darting to his left wrist, before dropping him unceremoniously on his head. The drop shocks him more than hurts him, but he lays frozen on the dirty concrete. Eyepatch, instead of gutting him while he's down, turns to the shaken ghoul on the alley floor, as if Hide isn’t there. As if what just happened, miraculously didn’t. Hide, shocked and frozen, can do nothing but cradle his head and listen. “You know hunting in the 20th Ward is off-limits. There’s a new gang in the area and the doves are on high alert, what were you thinking?”

            His voice, so soft, but still sharp, sends a chill down Hide’s spine, for more reason than one. With his uptick in head injuries, he’s surprised he’s thinking at all, but squashes any traitorous ideas that it sounds _nice,_ even.

            The other ghoul’s face is scrunched up in pain and sadness, and the guilt comes creeping back into Hide’s mind, even as he wrestles with his own impossible circumstance. Though he’s been nothing but a faithful Investigator, a _successful_ Investigator, he can’t help but pity ghouls, even though this one was trying to kill him not 10 minutes ago. It’s a weakness that should have been stamped out years ago, after seeing again and again the cruelty, the brutality, of these gruesome predators.  

            And now, this weakness, his long-hidden almost _fondness_ for ghouls, his sympathy for their suffering—however necessary to keep the people of Tokyo safe—has landed him in some seriously hot water. Broiling even.

            Deadly.  

            ”W-we were hungry…” the ghoul whimpers, clutching his bruised throat, and Eyepatch nods his head to the wooden fence with a begrudging sigh.  

            “Go. We’ll deal with this later.” The other ghoul hastily obeys, scrambling over the fence, leaving Hide and Eyepatch to deal with… each other.

            When Eyepatch turns once more to look at him, there is an age-old sadness in his eye that shocks Hide, along with it being a steely, somber grey. He watches with rapt attention as the ghoul’s kagune fizzle into nothing. He opens his mouth, and Hide half expects his lips to pull into the same sadistic grin that his mask depicts, but the ghoul falters, words seeming to fail him. Hide is assaulted by a barrage of different feelings, some of which he knows for certain can’t be his own, and he shudders. Now that their moment has passed, reality has taken hold of him once more. This isn’t right. This _can’t_ be right. He feels fear thrumming in his veins, fear that belongs to them both. Hide, albeit shaky, stands and supports himself on the wall, and they just... look at each other. Size each other up. Waiting for the other to do something, say something. Neither of them have any clue how to proceed.

            Hide finds that they won’t have to, as Akira’s quinque goes whipping just by his head, striking the ground where Eyepatch stood a millisecond prior. The ghoul now scales the wall with terrifying grace as Akira readies another strike, but Hide unthinkingly brings up a trembling hand to stop her. Eyepatch slips over the lip of the building and disappears.

            “Hide, what—” Her eyes are blazing with fury and hate, posture rigid, until Hide collapses into her. She drops her quinque to hold him steady. “Oh my god, you called in 10 minutes ago, we figured you found something but when you didn’t respond to us, we thought… What… what happened?”

            Hide shakes his head, absolutely rendered mute by the whole encounter. He can’t force himself to explain, not understanding it fully himself. Instead, he allows himself a brief respite in his friend’s arms, cursing the backward state of the world he’s forced to live in. This isn't fair. This isn't textbook. In a haze, he’s escorted to an ambulance and treated for his various bumps and bruises, and mercifully, no one, not even Seido, asks about his zeroed timer.


	2. Open Hearts and Open Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide has to do some soul searching. Akira is helpful. Seido is not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank y’all so much for the support uwu

            Hide’s never been a mopey person. He’s pure, unbridled sunshine personified, so his friends say. Even in his sadness he pushes through, not one to get bogged down in the weeds of things. Last night, though. Last night was hell.  

            As soon as their squad returned to base on the night of his timer zeroing, Akira and Hide reported that Eyepatch had been seen in the area, of course, for the safety of the 20th Ward and to set the branch on high alert just in case he decided to stay. It had been relatively quiet in the ward up until then, save for a few scattered bands of ghouls passing through. Easy enough to deal with, of course, but still it warrants a bit of caution. Like Eyepatch had said, there‘s been an unusual increase in cooperation among ghouls. After Hide and Akira got everyone up to speed, most agreed that ghours merely finally figured out that there is strength in numbers. The night though, was an anomaly for sure, and with it Hide felt a strong sense of foreboding building in the ward office. Akira suggested that a case be opened just in case, to keep tabs on this gang activity. It had been done, they clocked out, and went home. His squad members shot him looks the whole time. What was he supposed to say? What _could_ he say? He remained unusually quiet, got home, passed out in his bloody clothes.

            And now, he’s awake again, totally unready to face the day. He’s also usually a morning person. But today, he lingers in bed for as long as humanly possible. Hide gets this bad feeling that something is brewing in Tokyo, and they’re headed for sure disaster. And that’s not his own new pessimistic lease on life talking; he’d like to say it’s his fine-tuned investigation training, a gut instinct. But. If he’s being honest, it might just actually be the pessimism, and he’s blowing things out of proportion. Finally, the crustiness of the dried blood on his oxford shirt and skin propels him to take a shower and change his bandaging, even though his remaining wounds are mild at best. In fact, he doesn’t physically feel awful at all, which is a miracle he should be grateful for, after fighting off like half a dozen ghouls yesterday, but if anything that just makes him more sullen. He can’t even get beat up like a proper investigator? Is he so strange and pathetic that _ghouls_ are going easy on him now? He stands under the spray until the water goes cold, wallowing in misery. 

            He ends up 5 minutes late for work, something Akira hones in on right away. She doesn’t even let him finish doctoring his shitty cup of office coffee (and why, why does it seem so, _so_ shitty this morning?) before she’s badgering him about how he feels. If Akira’s trying to be touchy-feely, he must look awful. He does his best to brush her off, even if it hurts him, and wanders over to his desk.

            There isn’t a lot to do, but Hide stretches it out with his overwhelming desire to not do anything, making even the most mundane of tasks take an hour. It’s a talent. Everyone else but his squad seems to take the hint and leave him alone, which depresses him as much as it relieves him. They weren’t there last night, so they don’t know the specifics, but he figures they must reason he and his soulmate didn’t work out, and _won’t_ work out, and it’s devastating that it’s just _that_ goddamn obvious. 

            His heart twinges, and it feels twofold, somehow.  

            The mental admission of it, that his love life is officially over, dead and gone, has him rapidly blinking to keep from crying, and _wow_ he is so much more torn up about this than he thought he was. It’s like quicksand—the more he struggles against it, the more it tries to drag him under. It’s a losing battle.

            Akira notices, but stays stony as ever, especially after being ignored once. She leaves to get a refill on her coffee instead, avoiding Hide. His partner has probably come to her own conclusion, the true conclusion, and has left him to suffer with his brokenness. That’s what it has to be, right? The universe decided, for whatever reason, that he didn’t deserve a proper soulmate, and gave him a monster instead.

            Seido, in his overwhelming obliviousness, continues to pester Hide with endless questions. He figures that Hide didn’t call in because he was off running around with his soulmate, too busy making out to respond. Hide, for the most part, ignores him. It’s a better answer than he can give, and if Seido starts spreading that rumor, the easier it’ll be to hide the truth, at the expense of his reputation. Compared with the alternative, though—that he is a CCG Rank 1 Ghoul Investigator with a ghoul for a soulmate—the consequences of the white lie seem laughable.

            “Is she tall? I feel like you'd prefer a tall lady, Hide.” Seido waggles his eyebrows from across the cubicle divider, before making his way over to Hide’s side. Hide huffs and bends further over the papers on his desk. He hasn't yet filled out any of them and is honestly considering bribing a Bureau Investigator to do it for him. He's never liked the formal stuff, and as unmotivated as he’s feeling today, the task seems nearly impossible. Seido looks imploringly at Hide, and he merely shakes his head. His stomach feels like it’s tied up in knots.

            “She probably has to be tough, to counter your personality, too. You're super nice.” Seido muses. He leans over Hide as he tries and fails to work, dying a little more inside. “Was the kiss good? I hear it's like, amazing.”

            “Buzz off.” He snaps. After a pair of soulmates kiss, their anniversary is imprinted on their wrist where their six-digit timer used to be, replacing the zeroes. From then on, their connection is cemented, deepened, and undeniable, the date a constant reminder of the day they met. Hide will never know what that’s like, how it feels, how it happens, even. He doesn’t mean to be snippy, but he’s upset, and frustrated. Seido wilts, and Akira finally stops at his desk too, looking ready to tell them off for not working. It’s shaping up to be a real crowd over here.

            “That's really none of your business, is it?” she deadpans, forcibly turning her boyfriend away from her partner. Hide thanks her with his eyes, finding, not the iciness he expects, but sympathy. It’s not a good look on her, and it makes Hide feel a little worse about the whole thing if he’s being honest. He hates this gaping-hole feeling in his chest. He’s really not deserving of any pity, he thinks. He reaches to his left to grab a pen, committing to this damn paperwork, but starts when he felt a hand pull his own farther than he intended to go.

            Seido quickly flips Hide’s arm and pushes up his sleeve, causing a shock of panic to zip down his spine.  Before he can jerk his arm out of Seido’s grasp, Seido sees, and he’s voice trails off into silence. “I’ve always been... curious…”

            Hide snatches his arm back, away from Seido’s invasive stare, his silent judgment, covering the zeros still embarrassingly imprinted there. Timers are personal, not usually to this extent. Bonded pairs show off their marks like it’s nothing, but it’s not like taboo to see them otherwise. This, though, this is different. He feels like a failure, like a mistake. The zeroes are anomalous. He waits for the silence to break, for Seido to laugh or Akira to scoff or, or something. Hide feels his cheeks burn. Akira snaps out of her stunned stupor first, and smacks Seido upside the head.

            “Rude.” she bites, and comes around to stand behind Hide, quickly taking up Seido’s space so that he’s forced to retreat back to his desk. She rubs one of Hide’s shoulders tentatively, awkwardly, in her way of assurance. Some other people in the office look over with curiosity, but Akira’s glare staves them off, for the most part. She steps aside, and gestures with one hand. “Come with me.”

            They leave Seido, gingerly feeling the back of his head, and walk to an empty hallway just off of the offices. It’s nice and open, polished metal and glass, but still secluded enough to have a private conversation. Akira moves to lean against one wall, looking uncomfortable. Hide follows suit, more at ease with his partner than any other Investigator by far. Still, the tension between them is palpable. She saw, clearly, that only he and Eyepatch were in that alley, and that Hide, a wounded, fallen Investigator, had been somehow left alive. She has to know. Maybe she’s going to fire him, quietly, mercifully.   

             She keeps her eyes trained on the opposite wall. “I’m sorry, Hide.”

            “Don't apologize. It's not your fault.” Hide shrugs, nudging her with his shoulder. He’s surprised she isn’t angry, or upset. But then again, she _is_ the office ice queen. It can be hard to get a read on her at the best of times. Hide sags against the wall. “I just don’t know what to do.”

            “I wouldn’t either,” she mumbles. “Sometimes this whole soulmate business feels like a huge joke.” They stay like that, for a moment, and Hide feels a strange solidarity between them. She never talks about her soulmate, not even with Seido, really, her boyfriend. All he knows is that they aren’t actually matched to each other. He just assumed that though both of their counters are full, they’re dating anyways.

            Before he can ask, she sighs, and holds up her left arm between them. She rolls up her own sleeve, slowly, carefully, and Hide has to take a second to process what he sees. Her timer is all zeroed out, like his, but faded. Like an old tattoo, or smudged pencil. He meets her eyes, and they are more emotive than he'd seen in a long while, with a swirl of pent-up feelings. 

            “What…?” He can't seem to put his question into words, but she understands anyway. Her sleeve falls back into place as she lets her arm drop. She stares at him, and her expression hardens.

            “Amon is my soulmate.” she begins sullenly, and Hide raises his eyebrows.

            “But, you two are so…” There isn’t really a single word to concisely describe their relationship. He knows Amon was partnered with Mado-san for a time, while Akira remained at headquarters. Hide was Rank 2 at the time, and didn’t do anything close to their level.

           He’d assumed that Akira and Amon were close because of how well Mado-san treated him—they all did, really, at this branch, they assumed that they were at the very least friends—but when she transferred to the 20th Ward, all employees were shocked by how poorly they got along.

            She was originally assigned Amon as a mentor, but in the space of 48 hours she’d demanded a new partner, and the Akira-Hide dream team was formed. The office gossip was that any hard feelings were probably just due to her father’s recent death, and that she would warm up to Amon in time. Even now, though, their relationship is purely business, cold if not borderline hostile.    

            Now, though, Hide stares at Akira with astonishment. All this time, Amon has been her soulmate, and yet, they can’t stand each other. It’s unprecedented, unheard of. He’s figured by now that not every soulmate pair is perfect, but to be so poorly matched—suddenly, Akira’s sympathy makes too much sense. 

            “I know. He hates himself for wanting to be with me, and I hate him for making me suffer like that. Soulmates can faintly feel what the other is feeling, and… well. We were _fated_ to be together...” Akira shifts closer to Hide. Their shoulders brush. There’s a definite measure of sadness hidden in her muted anger. He wonders if Amon can feel it, even now, or if he’s gotten really good at blocking out her feelings. Or, if it's the other way around—maybe Akira shuts him out on purpose. 

            “Before I worked here, at this branch, he fell in love with another woman. They weren't soulmates, but they definitely wished that they were. Well, I'm not sure how she felt. I never met her. But he made it very clear to me that _he_ loved _her_ , and only her.”

            Akira sounds beyond bitter, and Hide can’t blame her. It isn’t exactky unusual to pursue relationships prior to meeting your soulmate—hell, Seido’s timer is full, and yet he thinks Akira hangs the stars. Their love is unquestionable, but to choose that over a soulmate bond is ridiculous to someone like Hide, who had been raised on the idea of having only one true love. Of course, he’s learning now that maybe even soulmate relationships don’t pan out in the end.  

Akira breaks their eye contact, scrunching her eyebrows together. She tucks a stray piece of hair behind her ear, and continues. “Anyways. She died, way before Amom and I met, but he never got over her. So when his mark began counting down, he made sure to avoid the eyes of every person that day."

            "He didn't want a soulmate that wasn't her.” She laughs, but there’s no humor in it. “I, on the other hand, couldn't wait. I'd always been… closed off. It’s hard for me to connect to people, you know? I wanted someone to finally understand me. Amon walked into the room, and I could just  _tell_. Just seeing him, I don’t know. It was so comforting, especially after losing my father. And of _course_ it was Amon, the way father talked about him made him sound so _amazing_. I was ecstatic. But... he refused to look anywhere but down at his own hands, and I stormed over there… you can imagine.”

            Hide can. Akira is quite frightening when she wants to be, a very powerful woman. His heart aches for her. 

            “We both felt it, when our eyes met. That… spark. But then, I could see this wall come down, and he didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. I felt like he tore out my heart. He must have felt that too, but he'd made up his mind a long time ago. Gave all the love that he had to that other woman. I gave him only one day of mine.” Akira paces forward, clasping her hands behind her back, and turns to face him.  

            “I asked for another partner, stopped talking to him, stopped thinking about him. Even though you weren't a senior investigator yet, I got partnered to you, which is probably one of the best things to ever happen to me. You were a big part of me being able to move on.” She finally smiles, small, but genuine. “ _You_ get me. And even though I don’t show it, you really are my best friend.”

            Hide can’t help but smile back, and some of the immeasurable weight leaves his shoulders. So she _isn’t_ abandoning him. He was there for her when she needed him, and now she’s returning the favor. She rolls her eyes, as if to say, _of course_. “Sometimes, when I get really drunk, I still try and kiss him. It's that bond, pulling me in. But... both of our marks are greying. Pretty soon, I think there won't be anything left. It’s hard to feel his emotions, too. Moral of the story is, I guess fate can make mistakes sometimes. And it’s not anybody’s fault, not really.”

            “Thank you, Akira.” Hide reaches out a hand, and she grasps it firmly, like a handshake. He snorts, and she laughs, once. Even her affection is business-like. “Just so you know, you’re my best friend too.”

            “Oh, I know,” she says, matter of fact, then uses their joined hands to pull him into a short and only semi-awkward hug. He appreciates it nonetheless. “No matter what you decide to do, I’m here for you, okay, Hide?”

            Hide pulls back a little. “What do you mean, _what I decide to do_? What choice do I have? It’s not like… well, it wouldn’t be _right_ , would it?”

            Akira suddenly straightens up, like she'd been shocked, gripping his shoulders, and the fire is back in her eyes. “Hide. The last thing I want is for you to end up like me. You're so wonderful. I'd hate to see how you'd change as the days wear on, as you get lonelier and lonelier. You deserve to be happy. I can’t fathom why or how you’ve ended up with… with _him_ , but… you deserve to be happy. That’s all.”

            And Hide, despite himself…

            He begins to hope.

oOo

            Hide manages to get through a whole week of work without too much incident. If people notice that he’s bounced back, they don’t comment. Maybe he wasn’t in as much of a funk as he thought. Nothing much changes, in fact, even though Hide’s made it official in his mind. His soulmate is a ghoul. He’s an investigator. This is a problem, but he’s going to deal with it.

            Somehow.

            Though the solution evades him, there’s no complaint from the other side of his connection, however faint it may be from the lack of the finalizing kiss. The only prompting at all he’s really gotten from it, actually, is to _stop_ drinking the garbage work coffee, which he _has_. He’s always known that it’s terrible, but seriously, it’s been nearly impossible to drink lately. He thanks his lucky stars that that’s the only unusual _craving_ he has. And that’s not helping matters, so he switches mental gears.

            Hide doesn’t live far from his work, so he usually goes by foot or by bike. The fall weather isn’t unpleasant yet, so he’s taking his time to enjoy the walk home. He’s been distracted lately, even before this whole soulmate debacle. Not that he didn’t respect Mado-san and his dedication to the CCG, but Hide’s become too much like him in a way, one of those investigators that completely lose themselves in their work. It’s nice to slow down. Stop and smell the roses. Do some self-reflection. He used to do photography, and he’s thinking maybe he should take it up again.

            Hide’s reserved the weekend to do some serious soul searching, for his own benefit. Maybe he’ll go back through his old ghoul psychology books, dust off his shelves. He used to be obsessed with that kind of thing, before he figured out that the science of it all doesn’t matter at all when the end result is always the same. They find a ghoul, they exterminate it, they move on. It's all too clinical for his tastes; Hide theorized that there had to be a better way before the Academy stamped it out of him.

            Maybe this... whole thing... is a sign that he was onto something after all, then.

            It takes him at least 10 minutes of looking up at the way the light of the setting sun filters through the leaves to figure out that his feet are most certainly _not_ taking him home. He blinks, rapidly looking left and right to try and figure out where exactly he is. Well, this sucks. Making a left, driven by some kind of instinct alone, he sees that the street he’s on is, in fact, a good deal from where he usually roams. There are a few people out he can ask for directions to get back to somewhere more familiar in the ward, but his curiosity wins out, and he waits to see where his journey has gone.

            It looks like he’s in a quaint shopping district, all small, independently owned businesses and stores. It’s cute, he thinks, and interesting. He might’ve been through here once or twice on business, but never really took it in at all. It’s like it’s coming to life, as the sun sets, all soft lights and faint music. With an almost intense familiarity, he glances in various windows and through doors, not quite knowing what he’s looking for.

            Hide eventually slows and stops in front of a small coffee shop. He pushes open the door, even though they have to be closing soon, and is met with the most heavenly smell. Even more than that, it feels almost homey, with rich, muted lighting and small tables. There are still a few patrons inside that don’t pay him much attention, though one or two squints at his suit and briefcase with some well-hidden distaste.

            He slides into an unoccupied chair and simply sits. He tries to be diminutive, almost feeling like an intruder, but... some sort of nostalgia rises in him, though he’s never been here before, he’s sure. It’s so strange, but not unwelcome, and it slowly soothes any unease he has about this situation. 

            A waitress startles him out of his imagined reverie. “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re closing soon. We aren’t brewing any more coffee for tonight.”

            Hide looks up at her, and finds her oddly familiar as well. “Oh, that’s no problem. I just, uh. Wanted to sit for a moment.”

            She blinks, and her eyes narrow, just a fraction. “Alright. Well, our hours are typically 6 AM to 8 PM. Feel free to come back sometime then.”

            Hide gets it. She wants him out of there, and he feels that the welcome extension is rather forced, if not entirely sarcastic. Whatever. He isn’t here to make waves, not that he knows, at all, why he’s there. He also elects not to comment on the fact that he can clearly tell that the other patrons had just been served fresh coffee. He rises, straightens his tie, and smiles at her as he makes his way back to the door. His mind is racing, but he wills himself to be at peace, because, again, he's not trying to start something. 

            He can see through the window that she immediately books it to the back, where she shrugs at someone just out of his line of sight. Hide resolves to come back when she isn’t working, maybe. He would really like to try a cup of their coffee.

            Anteiku. He makes sure to keep it in mind, and commits the path home to memory for future reference.

oOo

            Hide doesn’t go back to the coffee shop that weekend. In fact, he spends much of it holed up in his apartment, wearing his comfiest and rattiest pajamas, just reading. Well, he breaks out his old camera, too, unsure of its ability to function, but he leaves it out on the counter to deal with later. He honestly forgot how much he enjoyed books. Before he goes back to work on Monday, he orders a few new ghoul-focused books online, eager to see how the field has evolved since he last checked. Out of simple curiosity, too, he adds an older fiction novel to his basket, featured on the homepage. Apparently it’s horror week, or something, and this is a classic. Not that Hide needs _more_ horror in his life, but something about the book seems too alluring to pass up.

            That done, he heads out for what he assumes is a quiet day at the office.

            As it seems to be his new normal, life decides to give him the middle finger.

            Seido and Akira are way too quiet when he arrives at his desk, sans his office coffee. He eyes them both suspiciously, but sits at his computer, starting it up to see if any developments arose over the weekend. He’s thankful that the 20th Ward is probably the least ghoul infested ward in Tokyo, or, at least, it’s the quietest, which makes his job relatively easy.

            He had Akira had gone about opening a new case with the idea of the uptick in gangs of ghouls, but it hasn’t gone anywhere yet. The ward mostly gets stragglers and the like. The Eyepatch fiasco was an anomaly, surely. He catches Seido staring at him. “Hey, how was your weekend?”

            Seido flushes. “Oh. It was okay.” Hide waits, raising an eyebrow. Seido definitely looks like he has more to say, but he doesn’t go on, so Hide shrugs and makes sure his paperwork from Friday’s in order. He rushed through a good deal of it.

            Everything’s fine until Akira gets pulled away from her desk by a frantic coworker, sending alarm bells ringing in the back of Hide’s mind. He would get up and follow if Seido didn’t catch his attention.

            “Hey man,” he stage whispers, and Hide tears his eyes away from Akira as she leaves the main office, likely to see the higherups. “Akira’s still mad at me for Friday. Can you tell her we’re cool so she gets off my back?”

            Hide snorts. “Are you sure she just isn’t busy? Or distracted? Sometimes it’s hard to tell with her. I’ve seen her mad, and that, my friend, is not it.”

            “Oh no, she’s mad. She told me to apologize, and got really heated about the whole thing. She’s always been sensitive about soulmate stuff, but this is crazy, right?”

            “Oh,” Hide sighs, and remembers their very revealing conversation. “Huh. Well, I’ll tell her you’re sorry, see if that helps.”

            “Thanks, Hide,” he says, just as Akira comes sweeping back into the room. Her features are set in a grim expression, and with a sinking feeling he recognizes it as her battle-face. He doesn’t even notice that Seido never really apologized at all.

            “We’ve got an update in our case, Hide,” she says, almost breathless, and points at Seido. “Go get Houji and get a car ready.”

            Hide and Seido stand abruptly, the latter running off to obey her order without further question. “An _update_?”

            She nods, pulling a folder from under her arm. “Firstly, the Bureau Investigators compiled data from the last few years and found some compelling evidence that supports our theory. Signs point to underground gang activity, centered in this ward, all starting after the takedown of some prominent solo figures. That probably scared the ghouls in the area into working together. Even some data cross-referenced from other wards confirm that isolated attacks are on the decline. So, that’s the good news.”

            “And, the bad news?” Hide asks, timidly, taking the folder and following her to the company garage.

            “We’re deploying right now to intervene in a possible clashing between two of those gangs, meaning that things are going to get ugly.”

oOo

            When they arrive on the scene, the police have already evacuated and blocked off much of the area. They make sure to stay out of sight of the still-warring ghouls. Thankfully, no humans were caught up in the initial conflict, likely due to the fact that it stemmed from ghoul-ghoul territorialism, rather than from hunting issues. There are a few bodies lying prone on the pavement that Hide can see from a distance as they exit the car, though, so casualties aren't off the table. They're dealing with something big here. Amon and his squad are already hunkered behind a nearby building a few blocks away, so they join up with them to strategize. They've been assigned to this case as well, looks like. 

            Akira addresses Amon with her usual neutrality. “Any confirmed identities?”

            He’s setting out some tactical armor, though it isn’t clear if the CCG wants them going all out just yet. “There seems to be several ghouls wearing similar cloaks of some kind, facing off against who we believe is Gourmet. Apparently, they haven’t been at this for long, but Gourmet and his… associate, who has yet to be seen, have managed to take down quite a bit of the other ‘gang’s’ forces.” He finally looks up at her, and almost begrudgingly says, “it was a good call opening this case. Seems there’s some merit to it.”  

            Akira nods, once, sharp and cursory. “Hideyoshi, Seido, Houji. Sounds like we need to proceed with caution. Are we waiting for them to tire each other out, or…?”

            “Probably,” Amon sighs, and beckons over the members from his team. “Orders are to not intervene unless necessary. If they move, we move. Otherwise, we observe. Maybe we’ll learn something. They're pretty much exterminating each other at this point.”

            Hide, as he’s next to Seido, catches the whisper that Amon likely doesn’t. “And be sitting ducks? Alright…”

            Hide rolls his eyes, and moves to lean against a wall. If he leans to the right, he can see around the corner where what definitely looks like Gourmet, flashy suit and all, is severely thrashing some ghoul in a dark, hooded cloak. “Might as well get comfortable then. There’s nothing much to do.”

            Seido moves to join him, and Houji and Akira drift to double check the equipment set out by the other squad. “I don’t get why they needed to send Amon out with us for a simple recon mission.”

            “There’s more safety in numbers, Seido,” Hide shrugs. Seido isn’t normally this vocal about his complaints, not one to question orders. Judging by the way he’s shifting uneasily from foot to foot, and how his eyes keep drifting to Akira, he’s still upset about the Friday thing. Great. “This whole thing is really unprecedented. We’ve got powerful ghouls facing off in our ward, you don’t think that warrants some caution?”

            Seido mumbles, “I don’t know. Maybe we should just get out there and take them down while they’re distracted, then. Take them out of the picture. What if we just watch as they escape? That means we’ve got an S rank at the very least loose in our ward, no telling what those other ghouls are rated.”

            “You’re awfully confident today, Seido,” Hide says, trying for a teasing tone, but Seido just huffs and looks away. Tough crowd. “Listen, if it comes to a fight, you know I’ve got your back, okay? We’ll get them before they get away.”

            That seems to make Seido feel a bit better. “Alright, Hide. Thanks.”

            Akira jogs over to them, hand at her ear. She’s likely patched into Headquarters by now, with the way things are shaping up. “Looks like it’s just Gourmet and one other unidentified ghoul. He’s decimated whatever gang decided to challenge him. It’s odd, to say the least. Gourmet wasn’t pinned to be active in this ward, but he certainly feels territorial enough to defend it. We’ve got orders to intervene if the fight winds down.”

            Seido joins Houji closer to the rear, trailed by Amon’s squad, while the senior investigators take the lead. It’s times like these Hide wishes Akira wasn’t promoted to 1st class unusually early. As her partner, where she goes, he goes. They creep up along the sidewalk, keeping eyes on the two ghouls battling in the distance.

            Gourmet is mostly standing his ground while the other ghoul darts around him, attempting to get past that large, spiraling kagune of his and failing. Occasionally, though, Gourmet will lash out and send the other flying. Amon signals for the others to hang back as he, Akira, and Hide form the front line, setting up with three rinkaku-based shields.

            Akira sighs as they watch the two ghouls continue to spar, unnoticing or uncaring of their presence. “I’ve got a really bad feeling about all of this, you know?”

            Hide assumes that she’s talking to her, especially since Amon makes no indication that he’s even heard, eyes trained resolutely forward. “I get it. Something big is going down for sure.”

            “We need to update the public… let them know that ghouls are on the move. That they’re up to something.”

            Amon finally interjects, glancing past Hide to his partner. “ _We_ don’t even know the scope of this yet. Why needlessly alarm the public?”

            “Because it directly impacts public safety, regardless of the scope. It’s at least happening in our ward, under our noses. I’d rather take the fallout for a false alarm than for failing to minimize causalities.”  To an untrained ear, Akira is civil, but Hide is an expert at gauging her moods, and she’s definitely tense, if not outright pissed.benintesoThey’re so absorbed in each other, albeit unconsciously, that only Hide notices what’s happened until too late, when Gourmet sends his prone opponent careening into their shields. The three of them stagger back, but hold their line. Amon calls for the investigators behind them to prepare for an assault. Akira nudges the ghoul’s body with her foot. It’s unresponsive.

            “ _Beninteso_! Must you insert yourselves into _all_ of our private affairs?” Gourmet gestures to them, arms spread wide. Of all the ghouls he’s heard of, this one is the most well-spoken, and almost catty with his prey. He’s also very, very picky. Luckily for them, he seems at least a little worn down from battling so many other ghouls. Maybe they’d get an easy win for once.

            Like clockwork, though, a huge wrench gets tossed into Hide’s plan to follow orders, be a good soldier, keep their defenses up while the other investigators try to shoot Gourmet down from a distance.  That wrench’s name is Seido Takizawa, and his damn hero complex, swamped in whatever is going on in his damn head enough to foolhardily charge past their careful line of shields and attempt to take Gourmet down before he can escape. Or so Hide presumes, as he blankly watches his teammate dart past him.  

            Fucking hell. Not one to break a promise, Hide throws his shield down, ignoring Akira’s panicked order to stay put, and tails Seido as he readies his quinque cannon. He wonders if any other brave—or stupid—investigators will back them up, but surprise seems to keep everyone pretty much frozen. Seido is never, never this reckless, and neither is Hide, but he isn’t going to stand by and watch his friend get torn to pieces. Hide lets his whip unfurl from his briefcase, and hears Amon finally frantically shouting to his team. He can’t tell if he’s telling them to stand down or jump in, and it doesn’t really matter now, because Hide and Seido are close enough to see that shit-eating grin widen the tiniest fraction. They’re playing into his hands. Hide knows that they’re going to need the backup.

            Gourmet’s smile is persistent as they near. He’s incredibly unbothered, just narrowly avoiding a blast from Seido’s quinque by sidestepping casually.  “Looks like you’ve got some fight in you after all. But two on one isn’t fair game.”

            Though he hardly looks it, and though his statue-like composure seems solid, grounded, Gourmet can be _fast_. Before they even come to a stop, he sends Seido crashing back towards the rest of the team, who have terrifyingly yet to mobilize, with a heavy hit from his kagune. As the ghoul rushes him, Hide snaps his whip into the dagger form and manages to slice straight up through his chest. Gourmet is practically a tank, though, and it doesn’t stop the ghoul from barreling into Hide. He’s forced to drop his quinque to break his fall, to keep from being forced onto his back, but there’s nowhere to go, as he’s caged in by the ghoul now heavy on top of him.

            “See? It’s going to take a lot more than two idiot doves to bring _moi_ down.” Hide pants as he realizes that the ghoul was entirely right about this fight being unfair— it was always tilted in the ghoul’s favor, and Hide and Seido never stood a chance as unprepared as they were.

            Gourmet reeks of blood, as he’s drenched in it from slaughtering his rival ghouls. He leans down, forcing Hide to lay back until they’re practically nose to nose. He says, like there’s some inside joke between them, “let’s see if you can get out of _this_ alive, hmm?”

            Gourmet raises his hand, spiraling kagune poised to kill, but his trajectory changes when a quinque spear imbeds itself into his shoulder. He misses Hide’s heart, but not his body, and the jagged edge tears into his thigh, right above his knee. Hide’s vision blurs, and he reaches blindly for his quinque while Gourmet is distracted by the spear. Panic rises in his throat as he is, once again, in the clutches of a ghoul, with no way to defend himself. He forces himself to focus, and his hand finally and desperately closes around the handle of his knife.

            As Gourmet tosses the spear away, Hide struggles to sit up, the kagune impaled in his leg sending white hot agony rippling through his whole body. It’s fraying his nerves completely, and he’s worried he’ll go into shock soon, and be at the total mercy of this psychopath. Gourmet’s mask grins down at him, while the ghoul himself sneers. His voice is awash with fake pity. Again, there’s subtext to his words that Hide can’t bring himself to ponder at the moment. “Seems like you can’t hold your own, dove. You’re only human, after all.”

            A little pressure has the twist of the kagune digging further into Hide’s thigh, with a sickening gush of blood soaking through his slacks, but he grits his teeth, not willing to give the ghoul the satisfaction. He almost gets the feeling that this is something _personal,_ which doesn’t make any sense.

            Unable to do much else besides force himself to stay conscious, he waits for Akira’s quinque to bat Gourmet away, or for Seido to shoot a hole straight through his chest, for Amon to order another spear thrown. Or, more morosely, waits for the ghoul to just rip his heart of of his chest and eat it in front of his squad. What’s strange, though, is that the killing blow never comes, as if Gourmet, too, is waiting for something.

            He doesn’t know if the moment seems to drag because of the blood loss, or his team’s inaction, but when he finally hears frantic footsteps and shouting, he figures they’ve come for him. He lets himself lose some of the tension that’s holding his trembling body together, and hopes they reach him before he’s rendered unrecognizable by the unforgiving ghoul still on top of him. When his head finally thunks against the hard asphalt below so that he can sort of see behind him, it isn’t a projectile or a quinque coming for Gourmet, thought, like he expected—it’s a figure barreling towards the both of them at maximum speed, and it sure as hell isnt an Investigator. Hide only has time to register that shock of bright, white hair before he leaps into the air, sailing over Hide, driving his leather boot into the center of Gourmet’s chest. The force rips the kagune out of his leg, and Hide _does_ scream this time, partly out of sheer surprise.

            Self preservation forces him to move, even in his overwhelming wooziness. He scrabbles backwards, not liking the way his left leg merely drags out a streak of blood in front of him, and somehow manages to sit up, shaking and panting.

            Gourmet is now improbably locked in a fearsome battle with none other than Eyepatch. 

            It’s startling, to see him clearly in the light, like he’s real, and not a boogeyman lurking in the dark, in alleyways. The sun doesn’t make him any less aggressive, or predatory, though, and he pushes Gourmet back without mercy. Hide can see that the blows aren’t meant to be lethal, not really, brutal, but restrained at the same time. Gourmet still staggers, blocks and defends futilely until he’s unconscious on the ground, beaten into submission. It’s over as jarringly as it started, the following silence total and final. Nobody moves. 

            Hide wants to think that it’s purely territorial. He wants to _hope_ that it’s nothing more than a spat between two ghouls fighting for dominance. He can’t do either of those, because he truly hopes, and somehow, knows, that his soulmate came to defend _him_. Hopefully no one else notices the ghoul staring down Hide, even if it _is_ brief, before throwing Gourmet over his shoulder and darting off. A small armored team pursues, probably in vain, but Hide doesn’t really know who he’s rooting for anymore. 

            Hide feels hands grip under his arms, and someone gingerly picking his legs off the ground. At this point, it’s hard to feel any sensations, which should be more concerning to him, he thinks. Mostly, he just feels floaty. While the other Investigators go about more routine cleanup, containment, and evidence collecting, he’s taken to a waiting ambulance. He’s out before he hits the gurney.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tick tick: now with extra angst!!
> 
> also I’m having trouble juggling canon compliance with headcanons so if you spot any continuity errors feel free to call me out!! I keep mixing up junior rank 1 and senior first class investigators,,,,,


	3. Casual Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After his most recent brush with death, Hide has some time off. He uses it well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for catching my solider typo i

            When he comes to, Hide’s assaulted by the bright, sterile white of a hospital room. Akira is reclining as comfortably as one can on hospital furniture next to his bed. To his left, he can see an IV and heart monitor, cords and tubes tangling all the way up to the crease of his arm. He’s felt better, but he certainly doesn’t feel terrible.  Through the slight haze lingering in his mind, probably from whatever drugs they have him hopped up on,  Hide  muddles through the sequence of events that landed him smack dab in the center of shit city.  Mostly, he’s just upset he’d been cornered like that. That’s twice now a ghoul has had more than ample opportunity to kill him, and yet here he is, alive.  At this point, he's hesitant to attribute his successful  _ not dying  _ to lady luck.  

            The beeping of some machine picks up, probably responding to his rabbiting heartrate , which, like, how embarrassing.  It causes Akira to  stir, and  open her eyes , but just barely.  She looks worn down, but alright. Her defenses are lower than normal, and he can see the depths of her exhaustion in her features.  She says, through a yawn,  “ o h, good. You’re up.”

            Hide just blinks sleepily at her,  yawning back,  mentally mapping out the rest of his body  to check  for any  further, less obvious  damage. Bumps and bruises are a given, an occupational hazard. He can tell his leg’s been doctored up. Apart from a little achiness, he feels next to normal. Akira stretches, and nods to the  ma in  in jury, covered by the scratchy hospital blankets. “Doctor said it missed anything vital. Very lucky. It looked godawful in the ambulance.  Looked like goddamn hamburger meat. ”

            Her expression hardens, and he can feel the lecture incoming. “I know, I know,” he says,  preemptively placating,  and his voice is stronger than he expects. He clears his throat anyways, for maximum sympathy  points . “We were very stupid. I didn’t mean to get taken down like that, but I wasn’t  just  gonna  let Seido get himself killed.”

            She shakes her head. Her hair is down, framing her face, and she brushes one side behind her ear.  Her clothes are also unusually rumpled—has she been home at all..? “ No, I’m glad you went after that idiot. I don’t know what the hell got into him yesterday.”

            “Yesterday?” Hide maneuvers to sit up without disrupting the various wires embedded in his arm.  He’s never really been hospitalized like this, but with a wound as grievous as his was, and how good he’s feeling now, he was sure he’d spent a sizable chunk of his time conked out and in recovery.  “I’ve been out for less than a day?”

            “Yes. ..  The doctors are saying you have a wonderful recovery  rate, actually . Unprecedented.  Seido  isn’t so lucky. He’s  still under heavy observation , I’ve been bouncing between your rooms, but decided to stay here because I’m furious with him.  He’s got a concussion and some fracturing , I’m just thankful it isn’t worse than that. ” Akira stands, going about getting him a cup of water.  She presses one hand to her temple as h e takes it gratefully. 

            “We really goofed this one up, huh?” Hide says, demurely, sipping his water. While he’s glad  Seido’s  okay, he also can’t quell the urge to blame the man for this awkward fallout. Akira’s in obvious distress as she slumps back down in her chair. Her hands fidget, as if she needs something to do.    

            “I’m not mad at  _ you _ , per se. Mostly Seido. Amon must think my leadership is a joke.  God, we’d better have a peaceful mission upcoming. I’ve aged 30 years. ”

            “It wasn’t your fault at all,” Hide assures her , “and you don’t look a day over 40, which is great for a 1 st  class investigator.” If looks could kill, Hide would be dead from the force of Akira’s glare. 

            “Hmm, maybe if I keep telling myself that, I’ll believe it,” Akira sighs,  and then hurriedly clarifies, “the first part,  _ Hide. _ ” She s ettles back into her chair, trying to get comfortable again.  Hide eyes her judgingly.  “Before you say anything,  I’m going to go home and rest as soon as  Seido  stabilizes too.”

            “That’s fair,” Hide concedes, then sets his water cup on the nearby table.  He marvels at how lucky he was to come away from that battle so unscathed. Maybe the  tables are, in fact,  turning for him, though it hardly fe els  like it.  “ We could all use a little rest. S o… when do you think I’ll get to go back to work?”

            “Hide, if you weren’t in the hospital right now, I’d punch you.”

oOo

            It’s only two days before he’s cleared to go home. All the doctors can really say is that he’s a very lucky guy. He’s this close to going out of his mind with boredom, so signing the release papers feels almost euphoric. He doesn’t care about whatever miracle drug the hospital gave him to heal his leg so quickly, he’s just excited to get back to, like,  _ doing things _ __ and eating real food and wearing real clothes. Speaking of—Akira  brings him a change of clothes—a t-shirt, and sweatpants, very comfy—and drives him to his apartment. While his leg is doing fine, he’s going to be on mandatory bedrest for another two days until Akira is  convinced t h at h e’s  totally  ready to go back to work.  Seido’s well  on the road to recovery, but he’s a bit farther out. He’s disgruntled about the whole thing, so Hide hears, because he pretty much got knocked out of the action before  the fighting even started and somehow got it worse than the guy  actually attacked  by the ghoul. Hide tells Akira to tell him it’s bad karma for being stupid. She does. 

            Back in his apartment, Akira helps him set up the various gifts and flowers he received during his brief hospital stay. Notable highlights include a ginormous teddy bear that coworkers pitched in to buy him (Seido got a matching one, of course) and a beautiful bouquet of sunflowers from Akira. He flops onto his mattress as she’s setting them up in a vase on his windowsill so that they’re facing the sunlight. “You really think I need to chill out some more?”

            “Hide,” she sighs, exasperated, “we’ve been through this. I’d rather have you come to work perfectly healthy than just  _ ok _ . Extra rest won’t hurt you.”

            “Akira,” he whines into his comforter, “I’m like a rabbit. If I don’t get attention, I’ll die. You expect me to waste away here in my apartment for two whole days?”

            “I. Will. Visit. You,” she enunciates very clearly, “and besides, you could use a break if you ask  _ me. _ ”

            Hide groans, but she has a point. He rolls onto his back and covers his face with left hand. After a beat, he lifts it up a little bit to see the six zeroes still taking up residence there. He flushes thinking of all the nurses he caught staring at them.  Maybe he should take to wearing elbow-length gloves, or something. 

            The bed creaks, and Akira lays her head on his stomach, splaying out on the queen-sized mattress.  While she isn’t exactly prone to random acts of physical affection, she’s much more lenient of Hide’s penchant for snuggling, but this is unprecedented. She never initiates, which makes him worry about how torn up she  _ really  _ is over this whole debacle. To lighten the mood, h e sighs, deeply,  exaggerated,  on purpose, so that she swats his chest for moving  her head around  so much.  He considers the blanket of silence that follows, fond, not strained, and starts to feel the coiled tension in his body start to melt away, tension he wasn’t even really aware of until this moment.  “I guess I have had a bit of a crazy week.” 

            “What an understatement,” she mumbles, and then, without looking at him, says, “are you okay, though? Really?”

            Hide takes a second to really mull it over.  She’s not asking about his leg, he knows. Her eyes stay trained on the ceiling, and so he fixes his eyes there also, almost like another layer of  intimacy , eye contact, will be just too much.  “Honestly? I think so. Or at least, I think I’ll  _ be _  okay .  It’s really not worth worrying about .  The universe just keeps handing me shitty cards, and I’ve  just  gotta  keep playing my hand .”

            “Do you think he was there for you? Or do you think he’s a part of… whatever’s happening in this fucking ward?” Akira asks. He knows immediately what she’s talking about. She still isn’t looking at him, but he  has to  give her credit where she’s due. She’s trying. Neither of them quite  understand s  what’s happening, both with the possibility of a full-scale ghoul-revolt or with whatever’s going on with his quote-unquote soulmate, but they’re trying. 

            “I wanted to pretend that’s what it was. But, like you said, what happens with you and Amon,” Hide puts both of his hands over his face now, pressing his palms into his tired eyes, “I think we naturally gravitate towards each other.”

            Akira awkwardly pats his chest. “It sucks,” she says simply, like she’s reached the depths of her emotional capabilities, and Hide snorts despite himself. 

            “It really does.” Hide intones, keeping the smile in his voice; he likes, loves, really, how lighthearted they are right now , despite the subject matter.  Akira doesn’t loosen up enough, he knows. This is nice , a welcome cap on a harrowing week. And then Hide takes a wrecking ball to the whole thing, because he’s a lovesick dumbass.  “I can’t imagine it ever working out in my favor. But like… do you think it makes me a bad person… if I kind of want it to?”

            For a few frightening moments, Akira is silent and still, as if he’s crossed a line, even for them. He knows that she hates ghouls almost as much as her father did . He’s never harbored that kind of hate, but he can  definitely  understand it , especially from her perspective. But, but, after the tensest seconds of his life, small and unsure, she says,  “I think… if anyone deserves a soulmate, it’s you, Hide. It’s not fair. This world that we live in, it isn’t fair. But for you to want it to be?  For you to _  hope _ ?  Hide, I think that makes you  _ good _ .”

            Hide is struck  dumb  by the compliment. While it isn’t quite a blessing  to pursue any kind of relationship , it’s  definitely an  affirmation of his worldview. She’s just reminded him  _ why  _ he became an Investigator in the first place . Plain and simple, he wanted to  _ help  _ people, but more than that, he wanted to understand and influence a world that inherently pitted ghouls and humans against each other.  It’s not fair, he thinks, but he  _ hopes _ . He hopes. 

            Long after she leaves, he chases the thought around in his head.  He joined because of his strong sense of justice, to right the wrongs of Tokyo, to see up close the ghouls he’d read about growing up. Before the Academy, he knew, deep down, that ghouls have the capacity to be innocent —only that their sense of right and wrong just can’t match up to a human’s.  Hasn’t he read, over and over, that they  have to  consume human flesh, or die? That they can’t stomach anything else? What kind of justice is there when he’s trained to exterminate beings that must kill to live by nature? 

            As he falls into a fitful sleep, he finds himself craving a strong, black cup of coffee , and he hopes. 

oOo

            When Hide wakes up, the first thing he does is buy a higher quality coffee press  online . Which, you know, priorities, but he doesn’t  get where it comes from either . It’s on his mind . Lots of things are on his mind , actually, and  he doesn’t know if he has the mental fortitude to muddle through it all. 

            Regardless, he has two days alone to get nice and comfortable with his inner monologue. Might as well take a crack at it. 

            First though, a shower. And maybe some coffee , though he has a feeling it won’t quite satisfy his sudden craving for the stuff.  

            As Hide goes about his morning routine, albeit being far closer to the afternoon, he sizes up the lingering ache in his upper thigh. It really is a miracle he’s recovered so fast. Being in the CCG puts a target on your back, shortens your lifespan, for sure. Hide probably should’ve just gone  into criminal justice. He’s always been drawn to ghouls, though. He really couldn’t imagine him ending up anywhere else but the CCG, moral conflicts aside. And, that gets him thinking—after yesterday, and with this entire soulmate business, will he still be able to do his job without getting hung up by his own personal convictions? His years in the Academy  left no room for grey. The teaching was black and white, right and wrong, clear as crystal that they were on the high ground. Hide had to unlearn how to measure both sides on an argument equally before making a judgment call, because, in the field, he doesn’t get that luxury. He usually has about a fraction of a second before he and whatever ghoul slip into a fight to the death. 

            A big idea circulating in ghoul psychology , one that both fascinates and troubles him in equal measure,  is that they  _ are  _ conscious beings, not wild animals. It’s a  double - edged  sword, because on one hand, you have a person who’s forced to fight for their survival, who lives in fear of being hunted down. They have families, they have friends, they have  _ lives _ . On the other hand, you’ve got those psychopaths who consciously  _ decide _  to be evil as hell, gorge themselves on flesh, murder for fun, abuse their power. Hide thinks he’s starting to subscribe to this philosophy , though.  Ghouls are dangerous, flat out, but he can honestly believe that there are those out there who are just trying to get by, stuck with the bad rep from the few that lean into their ghoulish nature. He can get behind taking  _ those  _ guys down, just like any other corrupt criminal. The only problem is, in Tokyo’s current climate, it’s impossible to tell the good guys from the bad guys, and then they both end up in the crossfire. And again, he’s right back to where he started, stuck, impractically and impossibly, in the gray area. Ugh. All of it is just radically unfair. 

            A traitorous part of him whispers that he’s only trying to justify his  feelings for his  soulmate. He kindly tells it to fuck  off, and  decides to stop monologuing for the rest of the day. 

            There’s a stack of packages waiting to be opened on his kitchen counter, likely delivered while he was cooped up in the hospital. Akira must have set them up there for him to find. With some excitement, he notes that they’re  definitely book-sized . It’s a perfect day to curl up on the couch and read, he thinks. A good book is just what he needs to take his mind  off of  things and  relax a bit. He’s sure Akira will be by after her shift—and he  definitely  does _ not  _ think of the status of their case , because, vacation time —so he grabs one at random and shuffles over  to his cushiony loveseat, pulling a blanket over his lap, and cracks it open.  It’s  a collection of short romance stories.

            By the time he gets to the last chapter, the sun’s setting. He’d gotten up a bit to stretch and snack, but he’s ready to get some real food and take his prescriptions. It’s nice and quiet, the shadows long, the light muted. It’s peaceful. Hide heats up some soup in his small but serviceable microwave, switching on the TV before returning to the sizable dent he’s made in the couch.  There’s no breaking news, which is good. The usual warnings about ghouls lurking in the area scroll across the screen but that’s pretty much the standard. Things seem  pretty calm  in the ward, and now he can rest a little easier, drifting in and out of sleep until Akira comes over to watch reruns of old cartoons with him. She refuses to talk about work with him, and he doesn’t push it. They just take the night off. Akira lets her hair down, Hide drools on her shoulder. It’s a good day. Before she leaves, she walks him into the bedroom even though he’s perfectly capable of doing so himself. Sometimes it’s nice to let himself be taken care of 

            Day two of his mandatory vacation involves opening, assembling, and attempting to use his express-shipped  French press . It’s almost  like  his hands know how to work it,  when to stir, how long to brew,  but his brain can’t quite keep up, so he ends up screwing up the whole process.  There  are  so many more factors to brewing coffee than he could have ever imagined. He’s deep into an article about grind coarseness versus consistency, how even  _ surface area  _ affects the brewing, when he figures out that he  _ probably  _ shouldn’t keep trying it with whatever garbage beans he’s got up in his shelves, or worse, his  _ instant coffee _ .  It’s a  fine tuned  instrument, that’s for sure,  and,  for his own safety and the preservation of the press itself, he relegates it to the corner of his kitchen counter. He drinks his instant coffee as it sits and mocks him, which is fine. He can YouTube a tutorial for it later.

            Buying some real, actual coffee beans should  definitely be  step one.  Does he need a grinder? He should buy a grinder. 

            When Akira stops by later that night, she comes bearing news. She doesn’t look  too  happy about it, but she definitely seems more well-rested, and there’s a bit of noticeable pep in her step. Hide hasn’t really bothered to change out of his pajamas for the last 48 hours, so he feels especially ridiculous when she seats herself on a barstool in her business attire, hair done up and everything.  She isn’t here to hang out today. 

            “Ok, so,” she starts, gesturing with  a manicured  hand as Hide leans against the counter next to her, “we’ve got a mission. And since you get to come into work tomorrow, I’m briefing you  now  so you’re all caught up.”

            “ Awesome. I’m definitely ready to come back. Is it… lowkey, though? ”  Not that Hide isn’t up for something more intensive after a cool four days of  _ nothing _ , he just thinks his whole squad probably deserves a nice break after the two curveballs they’ve been thrown these past few weeks. 

            “Yes, very.  It’s recon for now.” She procures a file from under her arm. It doesn’t have a lot in  it, but  Hide assumes that’s what the mission is for. “That ghoul that got literally tossed into our laps when we caught Gourmet slaughtering his gang was actually still  _ alive _ . After we got you into the ambulance, one of Amon’s men had to knock him out again , and we arrested him for questioning. ”

            Hide takes the folder, scanning its contents.  Looks like they interrogated the shit out of him.  “So, he actually had intel?”

            “Apparently, he’s  fairly  highly ranked in his organization, though he still won’t give us the name , or any names, for that matter.  I’ve been back and forth between the office and Cochlea trying to squeeze more out of him, but he won’t budge. Says there’s a revolution coming, preaches about the futility of fighting it, blah blah blah.  It’s all in the records.  Usual run-of-the-mill cultish stuff .  Didn’t know ghouls got caught up in these kinds of things, but it’s strange times we’re living in, I suppose. ”

            “One-eyed king, huh?” Hide mumbles, tracing the line with his index finger as he reads. “Sounds like a nutjob.”

            “Well, that’s what we thought too. Turns out, though, that a lot of our prisoners know about the one-eyed king myth , and the employees in 23 say the prison is all abuzz now. ” Akira leans in close, drawing her eyebrows together.  There’s almost an undercurrent of excitement to her faux-worry.  “ We’ve got a real conspiracy on our hands.  It’s officially been lumped in with our open case, so our squad’s been given priority on the investigation. ”

            “ So  what’s the mission?” Hide asks, closing the folder and sliding it back onto the counter. His interes t  is officially piqued. He’s glad Akira’s finally caught a break on a bigger case like this, considering that the 20 th  Ward’s been thrown nothing but  small fry pretty much since her  father ’s time with the CCG.  Granted, nothing much at all ever happens in this ward, but something of this scale could be  particularly  lucrative.  If they can crack it, he’s sure that she’ll get  a well-deserved promotion. Hell, maybe the whole squad will get promoted.  

            “Some witnesses called in suspicious figures lurking in a shopping district  that matched the descriptions we put out for those hooded ghouls, the gang out prisoner claims will cause  ‘ the downfall of humanity ’ . We get to scope it out.”

            “So, sitting and waiting to see if anything happens? I mean, it’s necessary and all, but can’t they make junior investigators do it?”  And not that Hide’s not excited to get down to business, to do  _ something _ , but the appeal of any mission decreases proportionally with any increase of  _ sitting around  _ involved. 

            “That’s the thing. Headquarters thinks that there might be some sort of hideout in the area. We’ll need to be undercover, no quinque, just guns and Q-bullets.  A nother skirmish  could be  brewing. We need eyes in the field to see if it’s going to  happen, and  stop it before it starts. Maybe we can bag another gang member.”

            “Alright,  alright,  I’m in.  A little bit of espionage with possible combat thrown in for fun.”  Hide grins lazily at her. H e actually loves  being sneaky. He’s deceptively observant when he wants to be. He’s just done so much lying around in the past few days, he wa s kind of hoping for the more  _ investigative  _ type of mission, which is what he’s  really good  at.  Spying will have to do, he supposes. 

            “Great, okay. We’re spreading out a few different places, and feel free to wander around,  you know, to be natural, and look like you’re  _ not  _ staking out, ” she pulls out her phone, scrolling to find what he assumes is the briefing message  from her superiors , “but ...  looks like you’ll be primarily stationed in a coffee shop. Anteiku.”

            Something like recognition pings in his brain. “Oh! Yeah, I’ve been there. Nice place. I’ll bring my laptop or something, pretend to be a college student.”

            She shrugs. “Works for me. Just be discreet. ”

            “Uh huh,” Hide says,  both of them  knowing full well that  he’s planning the opposite of that.  Hide tends to go for a more outstanding look, just because trying too hard to blend is more suspicious, in his  opinion.  Akira stands, brushing out the folds in her skirt.  He hums, tilting his head.  “Where will you be?”

            “Oh, Amon and I are going to be running the control center. You’ll also be wearing the in-ear communication device.”  S he quickly fishes for a change of subject , something he kindly elects to ignore. It surprises him, though, that behind closed doors Amon still flusters her, knowing what he knows about them.  “Is… is that a coffee press?”

            “Oh my god,  yes it is , ” Hide jolts, and whips out his own phone to pull up all of his extensive coffee research to dump on her, “ and let me tell you about coffee bloom — ”

oOo

            W hen Hide wakes up, bright and early, ready to finally work again, he finds a text from Akira waiting for him.  _ Come dressed casually today. We’ll meet at the office, gear up, and then head out separately. _

            Hide rolls out of bed, texting back with one hand.  _ K _

            First things first, he slides over to his closet and pushes past  all of  his formal wear. “Long time no see,” he murmurs to his favorite jacket, choosing a comfortable t-shirt and simple jeans to go with it. For shoes, he fishes out some sneakers from under his bed, and pulls out his old-fashioned chunky headphones from a dusty drawer. He hurries through his shower, spiking his hair up in the mirror like he used to style it. 

            Getting dressed has him feeling supremely nostalgic. He looks in the mirror before he leaves his bedroom, turning this way and that. He…  actually looks  his age, like just another young adult going through college and living life. While he knows the CCG has a certain image to uphold, he thinks that the slicked back  style  doesn’t suit him very well at all . It ages him, in a way, though his line of work naturally is a very draining  one. Now, though, he looks energetic, confident, young—not a battle-hardened employee of the CCG. 

            As he’s leaving for his morning walk, he plugs his headphones into his phone and queues up a few of his old favorite songs. He tells himself it’s to get into character, but deep down, he knows it’s because he’s sad about missing out on the life he could’ve had. In a better world, maybe, but then again, isn’t the grass always greener on the other side?

            He cranks his music up louder. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK AFTER THIS PLOT HAPPENS DONT WORRY SLKJDSLKJS:L
> 
> ao3 does weird things to my formatting and like whatever it's fine  
> if you see any terrible errors let me know, i can fix them uwu  
> love y'all


	4. Little Talks, Big Monsters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide finally, finally meets his special someone. The only question is, well, what to do about it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY IM NOT DEAD!!! AO3 kept crashing yesterday and I just couldn’t deal, I’m going to backdate this chapter. This isn’t QUITE where I want it but it’ll do. There’s more notes at the end uwu

            Hide turns a lot of heads strutting into work, looking for all the world like a sunflower pushing up through a sea of black and gray. Amon gets that twitch in his eye when he sees him, the one where he’s obviously surprised but trying to hide it, and Akira is entirely nonplussed. They’ve reserved a small briefing room for both of their squads, and laid out all the equipment for the mission, along with short briefs on the gist of things.  Most employees kind of mill about like robots, on autopilot, ready for another run of the mill mission. 

            “ Hideyoshi …” Amon says, tensely, and Hide slips off his headphones. He can see Akira fighting a smile.  Hide has to work to keep from laughing. Not that he enjoys antagonizing Amon, really, but knowing that it’s tickling Akira’s fancy sweetens the pot for sure.  “Do you really think that’s acceptable for undercover work?”

            “These are the most casual clothes that I have, Amon-san,” Hide replies, straight-faced. It isn’t a lie, exactly—he probably didn’t need to break out the yellow and black jacket , nor layer a bright blue shirt beneath it. Maybe it’s the red headphones that make it too much. “This is exactly how I dress outside of work.”

            “It’s true,” Akira nods sagely.  Partners in crime.  “He was just like this at  the  Academy. I think it suits him.”

            Amon sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. The other investigators in the room, including  Houji , titter a little bit.  He holds his hands out, palms down, as if to say  _ quiet down _ , then addresses the now-silent room.  “Alright. On the table you’ll find a folder with your name on it. It has all pertinent information so far on this case, and  guidelines for  the mission. Mostly, it’s just observing.  Stay sharp.  We don’t want to be hasty or miss anything. ”

            Akira nods to the table, where everything is neat and set out. “ Grab a comm device, a gun, and bullets.  Those are for emergency use only, we aren’t pursuing leads, we’re  _ looking _  for them.  We’ll have  a few  mandatory check-in s , but otherwise you’ll be on your own for t he next few days or so .  Then, we’ll do a  joint  squad meeting to discuss results  and next moves .  Get to it. ”

            Hide complies with the order, sliding the gun holster  around his hips  so  that  it’s hidden well by his jacket. The ear-piece isn’t the usual sleek, black affair, but small, and clear.  More covert . Hide kind of feels like he’s in  some kind of spy  movie.  He grabs his folder, but it’s not much different than what Akira showed him last night, so he mostly leaves it alone , tucking it into his backpack for safekeeping . In just a few minutes, he and the other team members are ready to go , and, a t Akira’s affirmative  nod, they disperse. She catches up to him in the hallway, slinging an arm over his shoulder.

            “You look  _ radiant _ , Hide,” she smiles, conspiratorially. She isn’t looking at him, but the corners of her eyes crinkle. 

            “Why, thank you, Akira.” He does a little bow at the waist, pulling a short laugh from her.  Hide knows that she’s excited to give this case,  _ her _  case, some traction, and it shows. She’s almost buoyant, and it makes him incredibly happy to know that they’re both back in their groove.  “I have a good feeling about this case, boss.”

            Akira pulls a face. “Don’t call me boss, it makes me feel old. We’re the same age.” Hide snickers, and she withdraws her arm to snatch the car keys out of her pocket. They jingle as she tosses them from hand to hand. “I’ll give you a ride close to that coffee shop, but it’s best if we’re not seen together for the most part.”

            “I knew it. You’re ashamed of me.” He mimes wiping a tear from his eye. “Am I really such an  embarrassment ?”

            Akira sighs, shakes her head. She’s still smiling. They reach the car, and Hide can hear, faintly, as he slips over to the passenger side, “ _ yes _ .”

oOo

            It’s  strangely  like coming home when Hide pushes open the glass door to  Anteiku , a small bell  announcing  his pre sence.  He merely chalks it up to  be from  the homey feel of the place.  The  aroma  of roasted coffee en velops him , and it smells so much better than whatever he tried to do at home  that he takes a second to just breathe it in.  Maybe he can ask  for some tips or something.  Even better, maybe he can buy some real coffee  beans , instead of  his sad instant stuff he’s got at home.  Starbucks sells coffee beans,  so shouldn’t Anteiku ?

            Regardless, Hide seats himselfat a nice window side table. He prefers sitting in the sun most of the time, and since it’s a bit overcast, it’s just bright enough without being glaring. It's actually still pretty early, so the place isn’t packed, but there’s a sizable line for to-go coffee. Most of them look like the kinds of people that are on their way to work, or class, so they don’t have time to sit around and enjoy their drinks. Hide does, though, and that’s pretty much his entire plan for today. 

            Well, that, and reconnaissance.  He feels incredibly content here. It’s easy to forget he’s here on an assignment.  But,  the café is nice and quiet for now, so he settles in his chair and gets down to other business. 

            From his old backpack, he pulls out his laptop and one of his new novels. It’s a critically acclaimed horror book, known for its heavy han ded and  explicit  gore, as well as some complicated themes , so he figures he can parse through it and dissect it for a fake English class. It was kind of an impulse buy, but just from the synopsis he can tell that it’s probably worth the hype.  Despite being  graphic , it seems to be mostly about the protagonist’s internal struggles, which appeals to Hide, the psychology buff that he is.  Hide loved to analyze literature in the Academy. It wasn’t exactly required, but it was one of the few things he enjoyed about his time there. 

            Even if no one’s going to read it, Hide’s going to write a damn good essay.

            The cursor blinks on the blank document as he reads through the prologue.  He doesn’t look up at the sound of someone shuffling closer to him, even though he knows it’s  maybe a little  rude. From the get-go, though, this author really knows how to capitalize on moral turmoil. It’s engrossing.  As a kid, he always had a nasty habit of losing himself in literature.

            “E-excuse me,” a voice says, soft and contrite.  Hesitant.  If Hide had been paying more attention, he might have noticed how achingly familiar it sounded. “I can take your order, if you’re ready.”

            Hide usually gets cream and sugar, with a side of coffee, preferably of the vanilla variety, but his mouth moves before his brain can catch up. “One black coffee, please.”

            The scratch of a pen on paper is the only thing Hide can  catch  before the waiter scurries off. Hide scratches his wrist absently as the turns the page,  continuing on  into chapter one. The heavenly aroma of that brewed coffee is too good to get covered up by  all of  his usual additives, he reasons. Maybe tomorrow he’ll try something different, but for now, he just needs to get his hands on a straight up cup of coffee. 

            Huh. The waiter didn’t even ask what blend he wanted. Hide types a few words, first impressions, and then scans the shop to see if he can find out what brews they’re even serving today. He doesn’t think he can handle a dark roast or anything too bitter, but spots a waiter with a tray headed for his table, a  steaming cup of coffee already prepared, a nd assumes that it’s a bit too late to ask anyways. And—

            Wait.

            The waiter is strictly avoiding even looking at him as he makes his way over, Hide literally s tuck s taring him down. His uniform is typical, a formal black and white attire that fits with the feel of the small shop.  Fits him well—suits him, Hide means.  His lips are pursed, and there’s a nervous set to his shoulders that’s barely there, but noticeable to a trained eye like Hide’s. And his eyes, cloudy gray, are resolutely trained on the floor, then the table, as he sets Hide’s cup of coffee in front of him. 

            “Thank you,” Hide says, so soft, unbiddenly tender, and for the briefest moments, their eyes meet, but it’s enough to send Hide’s heart racing. Again. Because, if that shock of white hair wasn’t enough confirmation, the resigned recognition in those stormy eyes cements it. 

            This is his soulmate. 

            Close enough again to touch, but fear stays his body, yet again. It isn’t the same fear that pins him, though—last time, it was fear for his life, and now, it is fear of the unknown. 

            He can’t tell if their eyes are locked for an hour, or a single, impossibly long second, but the waiter finally nods and jerks his gaze back to the table. He turns, before Hide can say another word—though, he couldn’t if he tried, with this vice of uncertainty around his throat—and stalks off, his arms stiff by his sides.  What does this mean? What can he do? 

            Hide wants to jump up and run after him. H e also wants to book it out the door and jog over to where he knows Akira is stationed with Amon, and tell her—tell her what? No, no, he isn’t ready to confess to anything yet, and least of all, ready to issue his soulmate a death sentence. 

            H is pulse i s hammering , and he can’t name the multitudes of emotion coursing through him. He’s come to the conclusion that he could forsake his convictions as an investigator, in theory,  _ theory being the key word.  _ I s he really prepared to throw away his life to pursue a relationship that might very well be impossible? To jump into the depths against everything he’s learned? His gun presses into the small of his back as he recalls the feeling of being cornered, dangled like a toy by the ghoul’s kagune.

            Conflicted, he  just  decides not to break cover so quickly, and resolves to merely try and get his attention whenever he comes back, likely to refill his cup.  Right now, they are only a waiter, and a customer. It’s always easier and better to make informed decisions, he thinks, and neither of them can really do anything rash in such a public setting, really. They’re safe from each other, for now. And isn’t that a sobering thought?   

            At most, they can talk, and maybe even come to a mutual conclusion on what, exactly, their bond means, and what to do about it.  With that in mind, Hide really gets into his analysis (partly to take his mind off of  his broiling mindscape ) and sips on his coffee . It’s delicious, and he savors it, deliberately slow, prolonging the inevitable. 

            After a while, he gets back into the zone, investing himself in the plot of this novel. He thought it would just give him something to do, but he’s genuinely enjoying it. The protagonist struggling with these urges, unsure whether they’re intrinsic or inherited from his mother, reminds him of something, but he can’t put his finger on it. A splash in his empty mug distracts him, and he looks over to see it being carefully refilled.  He’d finished his drink without even realizing. Hide doesn’t like being caught off guard, but he’s much more at peace than he was earlier. 

            “Oh, thank you,” Hide says, marking his progress in the book with a finger so he doesn’t lose his place. He doesn’t know what else to say, really, but as his coffee is topped off, he feels compelled to.  He really didn’t think this through, and blurts out the first thing that comes to mind,  “ w hat blend is this? And, um, could I buy some to take home with me?”

            He stops pouring the coffee, knuckles bone white on the handle. Hide doesn’t expect him to answer, and glances back at his novel, resigned.  But once again, his soulmate defies his expectations.  “It’s an old classic here, a medium roast. I can get you a bag if you like.”

            Hide smiles gratefully, warmth blooming in his chest.  His voice really is lovely.  “That would be great. It’s really good!”

            The waiter (his  _ soulmate _ ) lets out a little puff of air, that may or may not have been a very small and very quiet laugh. “It’s actually my favorite.  One of the first roasts I ever brewed myself here. ”

            With that, he turns to leave .  Hide is nearly starstruck. Despite his hopes, he never actually expected anything to come of  _ this _ , of them.  The waiter, the ghoul, his soulmate, is still tense, gripping the carafe like a lifeline, but it’s different, layered.  Maybe ... maybe  it  _ isn’t  _ animosity that he’s picking up from his soulmate—maybe, maybe, it’s just a classic case of nerves. Hah. Hide makes  _ him  _ nervous. It’s so inconceivable that it’s uproariously hilarious, and Hide has to hide his face in his book to keep from looking like a total clown. With renewed vigor, he keeps pressing on into the novel. He can do this. Hope pushes up through his heart like a stubborn sprout, basking in the warmth of  t his  strange, unbidden  happiness. 

            When his bag of coffee is delivered, it isn’t by his soulmate,  but by another employee,  much to his disappointment , and his good mood is clouded, cut short.  Hide was honestly entirely prepared to throw all of his charms into convincing his soulmate to give him a chance, and now he’s slipped away from him? Again? Hide keeps the frown from his face as  the  familiar waitress—the one who ever-so-politely kicked him out of the café the last time he was here—sets the bag of roasted beans on the table. He definitely needs a grinder now. She bows a bit at the waist, countenance nonchalant, and makes to leave, but he stops her. “Don’t I need to pay for this, or something?” 

            She turns slowly, a fake smile plastered onto her face. Although he doesn’t know her at all, the look doesn’t suit her one bit.  It might’ve convinced the other patrons, but to him, it looks foreign, forced.  It sets him back on edge.  “It’s taken care of,  _ sir _ .”

            He nods, not liking the way her tone dipped into almost threatening.  He was going to ask after his soulmate, but with that, he considers their conversation officially over.  It’s strange how much she seems to hate him, however restrained it is. He doesn’t know if she’s bad at hiding it, or if he’s just that good at his job . As if he repulses her, she turns sharply and sets about other business. 

            No , it’s the former.  She ’s about as subtle as a neon sign . 

            Hide , perturbed,  takes the bag in his hands, intending to put it in his backpack, but with another flurry of heart palpitations he realizes that his soulmate must have bought it for him. 

            Hide kind of feels like a schoolgirl with a  silly  crush, at this point, clutching coffee beans from his soulmate like it’s a  million dollars, fighting a blush. It’s just  _ coffee _ .  Knowing that they’re a fated pair isn’t helping matters, because its way more than some grade school romance he’s dealing with here. It’s doubly overwhelming considering he was ready to give up on love for the rest of his life not three weeks ago. In fact, the more he thinks about spending time with this soulmate, the more he  _ wants  _ it, wants that picture perfect textbook life together, complications be damned.

            Damn them to hell, he thinks, for trying to poison  and strangle and kill  what almost every person on earth gets to have .  Why should they have to suffer? He thinks of his soulmate’s soft, gray eyes, his young face,  his tense posture,  worrying,  working, breathing,  _ living _ . Why should  _ he  _ have to suffer?

            “Excuse me?” Hide is startled from his thoughts,  once again,  and looks across from him at his soulmate, who has his hands poised over the back of the chair opposite him. He blankly registers that he’s no longer in uniform, but in a soft-looking grey sweater, and black slacks. “May I sit with you?”

            “Oh,” Hide says, and as the silence draws on for a bit too long in his surprise, “yes, yes! Uh, please. If you want.”

            “I do,” he affirms, and then, more quietly, “I think.  Sorry, but my shift ended. I had to change . I had… a friend  bring  you your coffee beans instead. ”

            “No, it’s fine! I got, uh, your gift. Thank you,” Hide has to struggle to not stumble over his words, like he’s a  16 year old  on his first date. Oh god. Is this a date? Are they on a date?  His earlier thoughts aren’t helping matters either. He’s deep in this, now.  He quickly picks something neutral to talk about, not wanting to delve back into his moral conundrum.  “ I got this coffee press recently and almost used instant coffee in it which wouldn’t have been great, I don’t think.”

            His soulmate blinks, and the corner of his mouth twitches, like he’s fighting a smile. Hide gets the sense that he acts too serious—he really does look young, probably exactly Hide’s age, but his eyes are very aged. Like they’ve seen too much. “N-no, that… I’m glad you didn’t do that.  Instant  coffee  isn’t really suited for pressing. ”

            “Yeah, I don’t know a lot about coffee,” Hide laughs, and then says, like a fool, “but I bet you do, huh?”

            Oh god. His soulmate tilts his head, and puts his hand on his chin. Something glimmers in his eyes, but it ’ s so brief, Hide can’t name it. His tone is deceptively neutral, totally flat. “Because I work in a coffee shop, right?”

            Hide hides his face in his hands and snorts , more out of embarrassment than genuine humor.  “Yes, of course that’s totally what I meant, oh my god. I’m such an idiot, holy shit.”

            “Please, I’m teasing you.”  The pensive expression on his face morphs into something more relaxed, a smile most definitely playing at his lips.  Teasing him?  _ Teasing him _ ?  How could they be this casual already? Why does it feel like they’ve known each other for years? “ There’s hardly any avoiding how we met, I think.  Sorry, by the way.”

            Hide removes one hand from his crumbling visage, sure that he’s red in the face. He’s confused, but happily so, and he isn’t going to let this opportunity to make things right between them go awry. Well, more so than they already have, though his soulmate seems to be rolling with the punches.  If only Hide could keep up.  “No, I’m sorry. We should—um… I’m Hide. Nagachika Hideyoshi , but, but, my friends call me Hide.  You can. If you want. ” 

            “Kaneki,” his soulmate replies, simply. Lightly. Easily. A foil to Hide’s glaring nervousness. “Very smooth subject change. .. Hide. ”

            “Thanks, I’m a master of conversation,” Hide  groans , returning his head to its shameful repose in his hands. He’s such a fool compared to his  too-composed  soulmate.  He knows some of it has to be manufactured, that the other is just as, if not more, nervous as he is, but he’s hiding it too well. Despite this casualness, this faux- openness ... He’s still walled off. Masked. “Kaneki.”

            Kaneki folds his hands in front of him, sighing deeply. His posture shifts to be less friendly, more squared shoulders, no smiles, very businesslike.  Like a flick of a light switch, or maybe, more aptly, a dimmer, like there are levels of brightness to Kaneki. 

            “Let’s get this over with, I think that would be best. I was terrified to speak to you, you know. I kept thinking you’d cut me down before I even got a chance to give you your coffee, but with that disguise, I didn’t notice it was  _ you _  until I was halfway to your table. So, my question is, investigator,” and, in fact, any trace of a smile has evacuated his face, his eyes now a steely, dangerous gray,  voice just above a whisper,  “why are you here? Why introduce yourself? Pretend that there’s something to be done here, about  _ us _ ?  What game are you playing, or trying to play? ”

            “That was more than one question,” Hide says, stupidly. Hollowly. He’s not afraid, per se, but the personality shift is so radical it’s jarring, and he doesn’t know quite how to respond. He takes about a minute to get his thoughts in order, quite taken aback. Kaneki waits. “I-I… okay, well. Um, to start, I really don’t have any intention of leading you on.  There’s no, like, grand scheme in play here.  I actually thought that maybe, you were just humoring  _ me _ ? Like, there’s no way you’d be interested in me, right? That’s what I was thinking. But I mean, I’m not complaining at all. I do… I mean, I’m interested.”

            And there. He said it, it’s out. He wants this, officially. The ball is in Kaneki’s court now.

            Kaneki’s hands clench a bit where they’re lying on the table. Hide studies his face for any trace of the easygoing man that he was talking with minutes prior, but Kaneki is completely walled off  now . All steel and sharp edges. He won’t even look Hide in the eye. “I can’t say that you’re entirely w r ong, about me humoring you. I  also  can’t deny my interest in meeting you, if only for curiosity’s sake. And you’ d  already seen my face, so I decided to throw caution to the wind. But I’m afraid of how…  _ easy  _ this feels. We’re getting too comfortable, forgive me if I can’t help but feel like I’m being led into some kind of trap. I may be reckless, but I don’t like ending up in corners.”

            “No, I don’t blame you at all.” Kaneki’s brows furrow, like even that concession surprises him. Hide notices that his  own  tone is warm, as warm as the sun shining on them both, like fresh coffee, or a soothing balm. He needs to express to Kaneki how important this is to him, and how much he wants to give them a chance. “I think you’re right to be mistrustful of me. That’s why I’m grateful you’re even here. That you’re talking to me. I really wanted to meet you too. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and it wasn’t an easy decision, but I can’t imagine what it’s like for you, to drop your defenses and come to me. I’m just really grateful.”

            “I think,” Kaneki mumbles, sounding almost bashful,  bad mood chipping and melting away, slowly but surely,  “that you’re giving me too much credit. You’re just a very surprising person, Hide. You’re very brave too. And almost overwhelmingly kind. I’m ... yes, I’m  glad I decided to talk to you.”

            “Thanks, I think.” He allows them a slight moment of peace, of solidarity, knowing that _both_ of them want to be here, and want this. Hide can see Kaneki warming up again, much to his relief, and he hopes he expressed himself clearly enough for Kaneki to understand. Just in case, though, Hide decides to buckle down and cut to the chase, for both of their sakes. He almost, almost reaches out to touch Kaneki’s hand, but restrains himself. While Kaneki says he’s interested, there’s no guarantee that they’re going to walk away from this with a relationship.

            He doesn’t know how to put this into words, not quite, but he can try. “I know… I know what I’ve done isn’t  _right._ I’ve come to terms with that, and that I want to change. And I know this is not ideal, in any sense, for either of us. I just hope that we can make it work. I’ve wanted this for so long, and now that you’re in front of me, I don’t know if I can go on letting you slip away from me again.”

            Kaneki’s eyes widen, losing all of their  remaining  edge in an instant. He drops all the tension in his shoulders, and leans forward, lowering his gaze to the table between them, to his tightly clasped hands. “I don’t… I want this too. Every fiber of my being is telling us that we belong together , despite what we... are.  But I don’t want either of us… or the people that we love… to get hurt because of- of  _ this _ . Because  of this selfish, reckless  indulgence .” 

            “They won’t,” Hide promises, voice heated. “We won’t—” 

            Hide chokes on his words.  What can he say to reassure his soulmate? What can he do to convince him that Hide  _ knows _ , he knows how backwards things have gotten,  or, how they’ve been for a long time ? That  he’s  painfully  realized how soulless his work is?  That he sees Kaneki for what he  _ is _ , a person,  alive, valuable , his soulmate? That he’s willing to accept these risks, and complications, and struggles, because he want s  them to  _ do this _ , to commit, to  _ love _ , despite everything they’ve fought for and against for so long?

            As he’s chasing his thoughts in circles, trying to telegraph his feelings without stumbling over his words, he sees Kaneki straighten up, ever so slowly, and deliberately raise his eyes from the table to meet his own. They are glassy, with unrestrained confusion and unshed tears. “I can feel that,” he breathes, and Hide’s heart tugs.  He doesn’t know what Kaneki means, and stares back with bated breath. 

            “I can… here, let me…” Kaneki closes his eyes, one tear rolling down his cheek, and suddenly, Hide’s getting waves of reassurance, of fear, of confidence, and desire. It’s his own feelings, parroted back to him , and he understands.  It’s Kaneki, baring his soul to him, as Hide has easily done the same, without even trying, the open book that he is. He can feel how difficult it is for Kaneki, his anxiety about making himself so vulnerable, the multitudes of walls he has to work around in order to do this for Hide. But just as powerful is his longing to connect with Hide, overriding his fear. He doesn’t have to speak, neither of them  do . They are unanimous, harmonized, even in the silence, even in the recesses of their s hared s oul. No emotion is too hidden, too suppressed. They share it all. They are one mind. They are one soul. And Hide understands.  

            “We’re soulmates,” Hide murmurs,  and  finally,  hesitantly lays one of his  hands on  top of Kaneki’s clasped  ones. He’s trembling. They’re both trembling.  “We can make this work. I know we can. Let’s just… let’s just try, ok?”

            “Hide, I,” Kaneki is shaking his head, but Hide can feel the resounding agreement between them , the rightness of Hide’s words , “ it’s dangerous.  _ I’m _  dangerous.  I don’t think—after everything I’ve done, how could I deserve  this?”

            Hide laughs, almost getting choked up again. Kaneki’s eyes are still firmly shut, but he’s pulling away, closing himself in. “I could ask myself the same. I think we’ve both done things we’ve come to regret. I know I’m not perfect, and you aren’t either, but the universe brought us together for a reason. When our eyes met, my entire world shifted. You think I’m going to let that go?”

            “No,” Kaneki sighs,  and a small, wavering smile spreads on his face.  He opens his eyes, and they are just as watery as Hide’s. Though he isn’t sharing his connection with Hide anymore, they feel more connected than ever. “ S omething tells me you’re very stubborn when you want to be . Alright, you win. We can try. I’m trusting you , and I don’t trust easy.”

            “I don’t blame you.” Hide, ever so softly, runs his thumb over the back of Kaneki’s hand . “Thank you.”

            There may or may not be a slight tinge of pink on Kaneki’s pale cheeks . “No,  thank _  you _ .”

            They sit like that for a long moment, in peace. Then, Hide’s communicator crackles. Akira’s tinny voice rings in his ear, sending him crashing back into reality, out of his lovestruck haze. “Hide, any news?Our tracker shows you haven’t moved at all in hours. I told you, you can explore if you want, so long as you stay undercover.”

            Hide  pulls his hand away from Kaneki, who looks at him quizzically. “Sorry about this,” he says, and  then lays his head on his hand, looking out the window to hide the fact that he’s talking to someone . He presses the talk button, keeping his voice lower than the humdrum of the cafe. “I’m fine. Just got really into my book.  Plus  the coffee’s pretty good. ”

            Hide can hear Kaneki shuffling something  around  over  there, but  keeps his focus on the window. It’s a lot later than he thought it was .  He hasn’t been paying attention at all. Akira would have his head  on a silver platter if she knew.  “ Alright. No one else has seen much, but we aren’t calling it quits until we can pin those ghoul sightings as incidental at best. This ward is hiding  _ something _ , and we’re going to find it.”

            Hide elects not to respond,  knowing Akira would be satisfied  with his simple excuse,  knowing full well he’s found something that the ward is indeed hiding from them, from his organization,  and turns back to Kaneki to see him thumbing through his book, something like guilt twisting in his chest.  The waitress is also back, with a refill of his coffee, and another fresh cup, which she sets in front of his soulmate.  They’re whispering to each other. When Kaneki looks up at him, his expression is curious, if a bit nervous. He must know who he was talking to.  The waitress is glaring at him full force now, as if her cordial mask  ha s all but  worn away.  Kaneki speaks , carefully neutral. “So, you’re here on business, then?”

            Hide’ s  eyes dart to the waitress, but she doesn’t move . He realizes that she, too, must be a ghoul.  Strangely, worryingly, he thinks he’s okay with that.  “ Unfortunately, yes.”

            Kaneki looks even more curious, but the waitress turns away and  stalks off. Kaneki sighs. “You’ll have to forgive her. She doesn’t think  this is  a good idea .  She thinks I’m an idiot, in fact. But, uh, I disagree . You aren’t after  _ me _ , are you? ”

            “Oh,” Hide says, pursing his lips. Kaneki’s trying for humor, like he did at the start of their conversation, but it’s very heavily laced with nerves, something that makes Hide feel incredibly guilty. “Sorry. I don’t mean to—I mean, I didn’t know you’d be here, and that’s, that’s not why…” Hide takes his new, warm cup of coffee, staring into it. Should he divulge confidential case information to Kaneki? Even though he’s Hide’s soulmate, he reminds himself that Kaneki  _is_ … a ghoul. Then again, he might know something. The CCG involves informant ghouls all the time. Hide reasons that this is no different, only, this informant won’t be in a cell. Ever, if Hide can help it. “We’re staking out based on some tips we’ve gotten about some rogue ghouls in the area, that’s all.Word is that some gang is trying to take over wards, or something.”

            Kaneki raises his eyebrows. “Oh, yes. We took care of them, though.” With that, Kaneki becomes extremely flustered, and tries to backtrack, but Hide’s mind is already spinning. _We_ implies a team, a collective. So… is Kaneki tied to one of the very gangs the CCG is cracking down on? 

            “By  _ we _ — no, I’m sorry. I f it isn’t for me to know, I won’t pry. Just… is it something that I should be worried about?” Hide tries to stay impartial, tries not to dig. He wants to have some measure of deniability , but at the same time, how can he  _ not  _ chase a lead?

            Kaneki thinks for a moment , taking a sip of his coffee.  His lithe fingers tap on the cover of Hide’s book.  “ Well, I wouldn’t worry about  _ us _ . By which I mean, me and my… associates.  But the ‘rogue ghouls’, as you put them… we’re taking care of it. ”

            “If you can tell me, why are they here?  Can we help?” Hide tries, watching Kaneki’s fingers still.  He hums a bit. 

            “You’re very sweet, but this is kind of personal.  We don’t like them here any more than you do. As for why they’ve been absolutely swarming wards? That’s something we’d like to know as well. I have a suspicion—but,  it’s nothing but a hunch.”  Kaneki rolls his eyes , sighing deeply. His  thumb moves to press down on his index finger, before he splays  out his hands on the table.  “Let’s talk about something else.”

            “Oh, alright.” Hide would’ve missed it if he weren’t looking at his  soulmate ’ s hands.  He can sense the  renewed  tension rolling  off of Kaneki , so he doesn’t argue.  Less business, more pleasure. “So, you were looking at my book? Have you read it?”

            Kaneki’s steely eyes light up, like  a kid’s on Christmas.  Nailed it.  “ I actually love this book ! I read a lot  before—when I was younger.  I bought this the day it came out. Do you like it so far?”

            With some hesitance, he turns his laptop screen to face Kaneki. Together, they dissect the big themes of the book, and Kaneki is actually very surprised with how good his essay is coming along, and even more surprised that he’s doing it for fun, no other reason. It turns out that they both love literature to death, and grew up reading whatever they could get their hands on. By the time 8 PM rolls around, Hide and Kaneki are laughing and joking around, passing the laptop back and forth to revise and edit the fake paper. Hide loses track of how much coffee he drinks, but he carefully commits to memory how radiant Kaneki is when he smiles. 

            As the café begins shutting down for the night, they exchange numbers . “I’ll see you tomorrow, right, Hide?”

            “Bright and early,” Hide promises, and Kaneki walks with him to the door  after he packs up  all of  his stuff. “I don’t know how long this thing is going to last .”

            “We don’t have to only meet at Anteiku, you know.” Kaneki grins , tilting his head, which is one of the cutest things Hide has ever seen. “ We should do something this weekend.”

            “Why, Kaneki,” Hide tries for a winsome smile, but he’s sure it’s leaning into  very dorky territory, “are you asking me out on a date?”

            “Me? Ask my soulmate on a date? How ridiculous,” Kaneki  waves one hand through the air lazily, as if dismissing the thought.  They move carefully out of the doorway, standing under an awning nearby. Dusk’s fallen, and everything is lit up in amber  hues. 

            “What’s your idea  of a fun first date ?” Hide asks.  He knows Akira will be driving around to pick him up soon,  sparing him a walk in the dark,  and heaven forbid she see them together, but he can’t bring himself to walk away. 

            Kaneki sighs, covering his eyes with one hand. “Promise you won’t laugh,” he says, and Hide solemnly swears not to. “A bookstore.  I don’t know. It’s—”

            “Perfect!” Hide  rocks a bit on the balls of his feet.  Nerves suddenly bubble up in his stomach.  “ Kaneki, this—this is an odd question, maybe,  but,  can I hug you? I’m just… really happy.”  One hug. A hug and then he would start walking, intending to meet Akira at some street corner, far away from his soulmate and their tentative , budding  relationship. 

            “Oh,” Kaneki murmurs,  a definite flush taking over his face,  “of course. I’m happy too, Hide. Really happy.”

            “Good,” Hide smiles, and without further ado wraps his arms around Kaneki’s shoulders. He’s never been shy about physical affection, which is why he can immediately tell Kaneki _is_ very shy. Kaneki’s arms tentatively slide around to his back, holding him gently, a barely there kind of hug.Hide is just slightly taller, so he rests his head on Kaneki’s, pressing his cheek into his soft, white hair. He’s kind of cold, actually, but as he pulls Kaneki a bit closer, trying to be encouraging, he feels like something rights itself in his chest, something that had offset the first night they met, crooked and wrong. Hide is the one to pull back first, as Kaneki seems hesitant to let go, like he hadn’t been hugged in a long, long time. Hide blinks once, staring into Kaneki’s eyes, before the ghoul, his soulmate, unexpectedly presses his lips chastely to Hide’s. 

            His wrist erupts with tingling goosebumps, and Kaneki jumps back with a gasp, breaking Hide’s hold on him as he pushes his sweater sleeve up. Hide rushes to do the same, rolling up the sleeve of his jacket. They, as if by instinct, set their arms next to each other, and watch as their 12 zeroes melt, shift, bleed, into the same 6, matching digits. Hide stares down, mouth agape, at the visual confirmation of their bond, heart beating double-time. Kaneki isn’t much better off, tracing the numbers on his own wrist gently, then, with an even greater hesitance, does the same on Hide’s wrist, as if to make sure that it’s real. His breath catches in his throat as Kaneki’s touch quells the lingering buzzing sensation under his skin, and, nearby, someone yells out, “congratulations!”

            To his  disbelief , Kaneki responds before he does,  as he’s  still pretty  shell-shocked . “Thank you!” He sounds sort of choked up. Oh god, if he starts crying, then Hide is going to start crying  and it’s going to be a huge mess. Kaneki laughs once, breathlessly. “That’s amazing.”

            “I agree,” Hide manages , linking their fingers together.  Hide could, and  gladly  would, look  at Kaneki’s face forever and ever.  A car horn startles him,  both of them , really,  and he looks to the curb as  a nondescript black car idles there. The  passenger  window rolls down slowly, and Akira stares out at them both .

            Hide’s heart drops. He releases Kaneki’s hand as if it burns him,  immediately pushing down his jacket sleeve , feeling like a kid caught trying to sneak out or something. Kaneki frowns,  hurt flashing  in his eyes, until he follows Hide’s gaze. T here’s no doubt that he recognizes Akira, because without another word, he turns and  walks right back into Anteiku, letting his sleeve fall back into place.  They didn’t even say goodbye or anything.

            “Get in the car, Hide,” she orders. Her expression is unreadable.Hide nods mutely, and shoulders his bag before climbing into the passenger seat. He waits as she slowly rolls up the passenger side window. As soon as it's locked into place, he braces himself for a lecture, for insults, for hate. When nothing happens, he looks over at Akira hesitantly. Her left hand is gripping the steering wheel tightly, but her right elbow rests on the center console, and her open palm is facing him. “Well?”

            He high fives her,  bewildered,  and she re turns her hand to the wheel. “Akira, I—”

            “If I don’t have to know, don’t tell me.” She keeps her eyes trained on the road, driving him back to his apartment.  She’s glaring , really, but it feels less directed at him and more… general.  “ I didn’t even see him.  But if you ever,  _ ever  _ defend ghouls to my face, I will punch you. ”

            They ride the rest of the way in silence, Hide filled with an immeasurable gratitude for his best friend. He can understand and respect her fear, her hate. He’s never been victimized by ghouls as she has, isn’t driven to exterminate them like she is, like her father was. But she’s willing to support him, even as he goes against everything she believes, because she wants him to be happy. And that is why she is his best friend. He can never repay her for this. He wouldn’t even know how. Instead of torturing himself over it, he rests his head against the cool glass of the car window, and lets his eyes close, dreaming of a future, a better future, where it wouldn’t even have been an issue in the first place. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK SO HIDEKANE TIME!! I’m deathly allergic to slow burn and I didn’t want to bore y’all with 10 chapters of them tiptoeing around each other when this is already shaping up to be quite long. Doesn’t mean it’s gonna be smooth sailing, though! 
> 
> and to be PERFECTLY CLEAR they're just drinking plain black coffee no meat cubes i
> 
> reading back over it i realized it sounds like im making Hide a cannibal that is Not the Case jkhfkdhdkjhdkljh
> 
> IMPORTANT, this concludes the first “set” of chapters in this arc of the fic. It’s also finals time at my university, so I’m going to take a bit of a break to study up! I’ll get back to y’all in about two or three Wednesdays, depending on how prepared I am for my organic chemistry final two weeks from now!

**Author's Note:**

> Ok!! I'm thinking updates every or every other Wednesday. Don't be afraid to leave a comment, I'd love to hear your thoughts. I read and try to reply to every one! Thank you again. See you in a week or two!
> 
> If you like my work and want to see more, consider buying me a coffee uwu http://ko-fi.com/clockworkq


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